


Born To Make History

by ifangirloverthese



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: M/M, Victor x Yuri, Victor x Yuuri, VictorxYuuri, Victorxyuri, Victuri, Yaoi, Yuri on Ice - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-16
Updated: 2017-02-16
Packaged: 2018-09-24 21:44:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 20
Words: 38,819
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9788429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ifangirloverthese/pseuds/ifangirloverthese
Summary: True love is relentless, persistent and never gives up, but true love only occurs when there is a mutual connection. Otherwise at some point, it becomes desperate. Victor verges dangerously close on desperate, but he is convinced that Yuri must have some return of feeling. His career at stake and family on the line, he must choose between them and pursuing the one person he wants most.[completed]





	1. Chapter 1

'That's one of the best books I've ever read.'   
Yuri startled and in his astonishment dropped the copy of Mansfield Park he'd been thumbing through, hardly daring to look behind him; it wasn't exactly a prestigious book to have read as a man. He bent to pick it up, hoping to disguise his bright red face, but the owner of the voice intercepted him, handing it to them. Hang on, wasn't this the most overused trope in every romantic movie ever and wasn't he supposed to look up and meet the adoring gaze of his true love forevermore? Hardly- it had been an older man's voice and he had a meeting to get to anyway. 

Victor had been eyeing them from across the room for five minutes before deciding to talk to them. They were a little young for his tastes, but there was something so... for want of a better word, something so alluring about the way they had been absorbed in the books for quite some time, examining one and scrutinising the cover of it closely. 'They' were a dark-haired young man in a business suit that didn't fit hugely well and he was so engrossed he hadn't noticed Victor staring at him. He took a deep breath, flexing his hands and striding forwards to tell what was going to end up being the worst lie he'd ever tell.   
'That's my favourite book.'   
They jumped and dropped the book, and at once scrambled to pick it up. Victor bent down and picked it up. Mansfield Park? He'd never even heard of it. This was going to be an interesting conversation. He met his target's eyes with some alarm, and was thoroughly pleased now that he could see their face. It was boyish but cute and soft and his hazel eyes had flecks of amber dotted through them.   
'Really?' Their eyebrows shot up and their jaw dropped a little. Had he said something wrong? 'I mean, I'm buying it for my sister.'   
The look on his face said it all.   
'Why are you shy to say you're buying it when-'  
'I'm really sorry, I have a meeting to get to. I'm glad you like it though,' he hurriedly slid it back onto the shelf. 'I enjoyed it.'  
'Weren't you buying it? And why are you buying it if you've already read it?'   
'I, uhh- it's a collector's edition,' he admitted sheepishly, ducking his head to disguise what looked like a hot flush. 'But I already have it.'  
'You collect books?'  
'Only the good ones.'  
'And this is a very good one,' Victor nodded wisely as if he had the slightest clue what the book was about.   
'You think?' Their face lit up and they smiled with relief, their expression heavenly.   
'I do. Victor Nikiforov,' he extended his hand in a friendly gesture, and the young man shook it firmly.   
'Yuri Katsuki,' he introduced himself.   
'Yuri. Are you Russian?'  
'Japanese, actually. Are you?'  
'Yes. Now tell me what you liked about the book!'  
Yuri's smile didn't falter, and he went on to explain how he enjoyed the main themes of the book; status, the 'business' of marriage and women's position in Austen's time. It was quite delightful how passionate he clearly was about it, and he spoke so fast that Victor missed a lot of what he said and couldn't translate half of it. He was, however, politely fascinated.   
'What about you?' Yuri asked, and Victor realised he was in a little trouble now. 'You didn't really read it, did you?'  
He shook his head slowly, biting his lip.   
'Look, I thought you were really cute and I just wanted to talk to you, but you wouldn't look up from that book!' He explained, gesturing at the offending bookshelf that had stolen Yuri's attention when he'd wanted it.   
'Great. I missed my meeting for nothing.'  
'Oh god!' He felt awful. 'I'm so sorry, I feel absolutely terrible. I'll make it up to you. Would a coffee do?'

Yuri stared at Victor, who was ostentatiously flirting with him and trying to take him out for coffee. He couldn't believe he'd missed his meeting, but there was nothing he could do about that now.   
'I'm sorry, I should get going,' he shook his head. Why ever would he want to go for coffee with somebody who had just cost him a very important meeting?   
'I'll throw in a muffin.'   
Yuri shook his head again, his cheeks flaring red as he tried to walk away. A hand brushed against his back and he jumped, spinning round again. Jesus, this guy was persistent... Wasn't this the kind of thing that only ever happened in films? Nobody in their right mind asks a random person to go for coffee.   
'Fine,' he conceded, if only to get rid of this guy. Anyway, it might prove to be interesting and it wasn't as if he had anything better to do with his time now that he'd missed his meeting. At least it wasn't hugely important, although his client would be very let down. 'On one condition- you have to promise you aren't a stalker.'  
'A stalker?'  
'You were staring at me for ages, pretended to have read a book as an excuse to talk to me, and now you're trying to take me on a date.'  
'A date!' Victor blinked hard and exhaled heavily with amusement. 'Hardly. It's a gradual process.'  
'Ugh,'  Yuri was usually quite shy, but this guy was annoying and he couldn't help himself from making an exclamation of disgust. 'I don't do dates.'  
'Come on, Yuri 'I don't do dates' Katsuki. Let me buy you a coffee and persuade you I'm not a stalker.' 

Victor found it adorable how easily flustered Yuri was. He'd been embarrassed when he'd stuttered over his order, then he'd almost fallen flat on his face tripping over his own feet and now he was apologising profusely for almost sending him flying.  
'It's honestly fine,' Victor laughed easily and dismissed his concerns with a wave of his hand. They had decided on a nearby cafe, and Victor had insisted on sitting away from the window, although he didn't explain why.   
'You look nervous,' he remarked, noticing how Yuri's eyes kept flickering around the room like he was strategising an exit.   
'It's nothing. Well, basically nothing.'  
'What is it?'  
'You're trying to persuade me you're not a stalker and yet you drag me right to the back of the cafe where basically nobody can see us.'   
'I was hoping to keep that part secret,' Victor feigned nonchalance. 'I'm kind of famous.'  
'Oh.'  
'That sounded really pretentious didn't it? Forgive me, English is not my first language. I just mean I'm not that famous, but famous enough that people occasionally stop me on the street and I didn't want to scare you.'   
'What are you famous for?' Now he looked more anxious than before. It was understandable, as he was obviously quite shy and having people milling around them would be painful for him. This was all the more charming to Victor, who wanted to be the one staving people off and fending off crowds of drooling fans.   
'I'm an actor,' he said it casually, trying to downplay its importance.   
'Yeah? What do you act in?'   
'This and that. I was in this TV series for ages, now I've switched to theatre for a while.'   
'What series?'  
'Vengeance.'  
Yuri looked surprised.   
'My sisters love that show,' he explained. 'I think they'd cry if they knew I was having coffee with you.'  
'How old are they?'  
'Fifteen and ten.'  
'Do you want an autograph or something?'  
Yuri stared at him. This guy was unbelievable.   
'I don't see them often,' he wasn't going to tell them anyway; he couldn't handle it. They'd berate him for not calling them immediately and telling them, or inviting him to the family home, and he really didn't want to invite Victor anywhere. He was nice enough, but there was something odd about the way he was so blatantly interested and at the same time so difficult to read. Yuri was aware that he himself was like an open book, because he had no control over his emotions, which meant people always knew what he was thinking so they tended to trust him easily. He couldn't wholeheartedly trust Victor because he had no idea what he was actually thinking besides probably getting into his pants. He seemed nice enough, but the whole situation was so odd that it had put him off entirely. He was just glad that it wasn't a girl trying to date him- they'd be in for a nasty surprise. On the other hand, it wasn't every day a good-looking man was openly into him enough to take him out and buy him a coffee. It was quite sweet now that he thought about it... He'd lied about the book, sure, but only to have an excuse to talk to him. At least he'd tried to be tactful rather than just come onto him like some guys did the second they found out he was gay.   
'I should get to the office,' he sensed that the atmosphere was a little awkward after he'd turned down the autograph. 'They'll fire me if I don't get there soon, and I've got to wait ages for a train.'  
'Do you need a lift?'  
'Oh no, I couldn't p-'  
'Really. I don't have work until late tonight, so it's fine.'   
Yuri looked distressed, evidently not too keen on the idea, but Victor just started walking and he had no choice but to follow behind- it would be rude not to, and Yuri was not a rude person. 

Yuri was flabbergasted by Victor's car. How the hell could he afford that? He must be stupidly famous and rich to own a bright red, beautifully designed Ferrari. He didn't want to be driven to work in that. He'd never hear the end of it. Added to that, he was pretty sure a lot of his colleagues had watched Vengeance and they'd have a mental breakdown mid-shift. He didn't have a choice though, because he wasn't rude enough to refuse it. His combination of Japanese and English culture made it impossible to speak up for himself. Victor opened the door for him, making a grand obeisance and allowing him to step into it. Yuri didn't know whether to laugh or cry. He reached to do up his seatbelt, but found just a weird harness thing that he had no idea what to do with, and that was how he knew this drive was going to be terrifying. Victor laughed at him and strapped him in, making him feel like such a child.   
He was correct; Victor's driving was maniacal and he probably broke every road law in the ten minute journey, one that was usually half an hour by train. By the time they arrived at his office, he had bitten his nails to the quick and practically scalped himself in anxiety.   
He thanked Victor and was about to make his escape into the building when he was grabbed by the elbow and spun around. Victor opened his mouth like he was going to say something, then closed it and let go.   
'Did you want something?' Yuri felt bad leaving it like that. Victor obviously liked him, and he wasn't really used to that, especially from an actual celebrity, even if he had no idea who they were really.   
'Let me take you out for dinner,' Victor leaned against the bonnet of his car, looking enigmatic as ever.   
'Oh! Maybe-'  
'How's seven for you? Tomorrow, though, because I have work tonight.'  
'I'd love to, b-'  
'Great! Here's my number, text me your address,' Victor handed him a business card, which Yuri quite appreciated because there was a definite lack of business cards in England. He pocketed it, wondering if he would hate himself if he never texted. Truthfully, he wouldn't put it past Victor to just wait outside his office until they bumped into each other, quite by some 'bizarre coincidence'. He waved goodbye, thanking him again, and disappeared into the building.  
Immediately, he was accosted by a colleague, Lara.   
'Was that Victor Nikiforov?' She clutched his arm, staring after the Ferrari as it careened dangerously away.   
'Nope,' he shook his head hard. 'Random guy I managed to pick up in a bookshop.'   
'So you missed the meeting because you were on a date with Victor Nikiforov?'  
'It's not him! And anyway, he made me miss the meeting and then offered to take me for a coffee to make up for it.'  
'I've watched every season of Vengeance, I know Victor when I see him. Will anything come of it?'  
'No,' he said with decisiveness. 'He's taking me out for dinner tomorrow but I could never date a celebrity. Anyway, he's really pushy.'   
'But he's Victor!'  
'Point still stands,' he shrugged. 'Haven't we got things to be doing?'  
'You need to catch up on the meeting. Maxine will have the notes.'  
'Thanks. Oh, and Lara?'  
'Yep?'  
'Don't tell anyone I went for coffee with him. I can't handle the attention and I'd rather not have people pressuring me to see him.'  
'You got it.'

 

'The first port of call, I suppose, is how we met. He cornered me in a bookshop and made me go for a coffee with him, and I was sorely persuaded. I managed to make a complete fool of myself by almost spilling my coffee all over him and I wasn't completely convinced he wasn't a stalker.'


	2. Chapter Two: Cabin Fever

Victor smiled throughout his rehearsal, so much so that the director ended up getting so frustrated that she ended it early. He was supposed to be a madman in that scene, anyway.   
'Why so chipper?' She asked as they stood on the kerb outside waiting for a taxi- even Victor preferred a taxi over driving himself round London at night.   
'I went for a coffee with someone nice.'   
'Ah, l'amour,' she patted him on the shoulder in a sympathetic manner.   
'Maybe one day. For now, it's interest.'  
'You're smiling too much for that.'  
He straightened his face with the expertise an actor has and hailed a taxi.   
'You take this one,' he kissed her on the cheek as she stepped in.   
'Perfect gentleman,' she remarked. 'Even if you are just trying to get rid of me.'  
He saluted her and waved her off, his mind already elsewhere, namely where he could take Yuri for dinner. Nowhere too posh, because he ran the risk of being spotted and also he got the idea Yuri would hate it. Somewhere quiet and reserved would be perfect for someone like him- similar to his personality. He checked his phone for any important messages, and scrolling through the notifications he saw a text from an unsaved number. It was an address somewhere in London. Right, this had to be Yuri.   
See you at seven, then! :) He sent back, finding himself just minutes later drumming his fingers against his phone waiting for a reply. He'd probably missed 20 taxis and was never going to get home at this rate so he forced himself to pocket it and scan the busy roads. 

Yuri didn't know where they were going for dinner, so picking something to wear wasn't coming easily to him. He didn't want to dress too casually, but at the same time being overdressed could be just as bad. Eventually he chose to go for a loose pullover and jeans, playing it safe with something comfortable because he was going to be antsy enough without having to pull at a tight collar every two minutes or sweating through a shirt. His doorbell rang a whole fifteen minutes early, and he quickly spritzed on some cologne, cursing Victor for being early when he hadn't even selected shoes or a jacket yet. He opened the door and was taken aback. Victor looked different somehow, despite his facial features containing the complacent smile he'd not yet seen him without. He was wearing a tight-fitting shirt that emphasised his strong shoulders and trim figure and his eyes were twinkling a little bit more than the last time they'd met.   
'You're early,' he spoke first.   
'I was excited,' Victor said this without reservation, and Yuri was struck by how upfront he was. Well, as an actor he could actually be losing his mind inside but fronting as cool and collected. 'You look nice.'  
'You too.'  
'Shall we get going then?'  
'I don't have shoes on.'  
'Please fix that.'  
Yuri fixed him with a flat stare before retrieving a pair of shoes from his room.   
He was immediately perturbed when he saw Victor's car and remembered his driving style. He made a quick prayer to god before he got in, hoping that his lifetime of atheism would be forgotten. If he survived this journey, he'd become a nun.   
Miraculously, he did, although he conveniently forgot his pious bargain. He had no idea where they were, but it definitely wasn't Richmond anymore. They were in the midst of a vast expanse of green fields that went on for miles and there was a small cabin-type building nestled into a small patch of woods. He really hoped Victor hadn't taken him to some remote location to kill him, because this was feeling more and more like that kind of situation. Victor caught his anxious lip biting and placed a reassuring hand on his shoulder.   
'I thought a restaurant out of the way would be nicer for you,' he gestured at the cabin. 'I used to come here a lot when I was a student in England.'  
'How long did you live in Russia?' Yuri asked as they stepped into the restaurant, immediately blasted with heat from the fire crackling in the far corner.   
'Until I went to university, then I came over here. I got the job with Vengeance at 21 and had to relocate to Massachusetts for a while, but as soon as it finished I moved back here.'   
Yuri would have asked more questions, but as he opened his mouth to speak a waiter came over and directed them to a table. He picked up the menu and scrutinised it for a good thirty seconds before realising he couldn't read it.   
'It's in Russian,' Victor plucked it out his hand.   
'That's why you liked it?'  
'I barely knew a word of English, so coming here was a relief.' He proceeded to read out what everything meant, and Yuri went with whatever he recommended. It arrived quickly and looked to be some kind of stew with bread that smelled divine.   
'This is good,' he praised, finishing it a little too quickly. 'I've never had Russian food before.'  
'That's diabolical. Though, I have to admit, it's not all that great. Now, how did you come to England? You're not British either.'  
'My family runs a spa and I didn't see any future at home, so I moved to London when I was 12 to a boarding school and haven't gone back other than to visit my mother. My sisters were already living here with their father, because they're my half sisters, but I still don't see them so often.'   
'Weren't you lonely?' Victor leaned his elbow on the table, resting his chin on his hand and leaning forwards with an expression of mild interest. Why didn't his face ever move?   
'Weren't you?' He countered.   
'Not at all. I went to university with plenty of Russians and I picked up English quickly enough, so I made lots of friends.'  
'I could already speak English when I came over, so I wasn't ever that lonely, and I'm not that close to my mother anyway.'  
'No other family?'  
'Not to speak of.'   
'I see. Do you want dessert?' Victor looked up and noticed the waiter who had greeted them hovering by their table expectantly.   
'Too full. I shouldn't have eaten that so quickly...' Yuri groaned, putting his hand against his stomach. 'Coffee. I could do coffee.'  
Victor spoke in fast Russian to the waiter, who nodded furiously and gave them a thumbs up before dashing off. Yuri had always been the one to startle people by speaking his native language to others, so witnessing it himself was an experience to behold. It only added to Victor's enigmatic appearance, and it was nice to hear him talk without first having to translate what he wanted to say. The waiter returned just moments later with two coffees and delicate biscuits.   
'What are you rehearsing for?' Yuri asked after thanking the waiter and almost downing his coffee out of anxiety.   
'I'm performing in the London version of Hamilton after somebody had to take paternity leave. Do you know it?'  
'Do I know it? My sisters haven't shut up about it the past few months! Which part are you playing?'  
'Uhh, King George.'   
Yuri almost choked on his coffee, and it was a very elegant sight.   
'How come there's no news about this?' He was not going to admit to having googled him. 'My sisters would have mentioned something.'  
'They're trying to keep it a little hushed just for now, because I don't want people following me to rehearsals and stuff. Don't get me wrong, I love my fans, but this musical means a lot to the original fans and I don't want them to lose their chance to get tickets just because there's loads of people who only come to see me.'  
Yuri was pleasantly surprised; this was the first glimpse into Victor's actual personality he had gotten. To think of the original fans was actually really sweet, and he started to wonder if maybe it wouldn't be so bad to do this again. After all, Victor had pretty much everything going for him. He was handsome, easy to get along with, had ambition, made an effort, thought about others, wasn't exactly a wastrel... If he could recognise all this, why was he so reserved? Was he just being shy? Maybe it was just that, or maybe it was the acting thing. He'd had a crush on an actor at school and it had ended very badly, and he found it very hard to trust anyone with such unnatural control over their emotions. He just couldn't tell what was going on in Victor's mind, and this put him ill at ease. He liked to be able to read people, not that he'd ever been very good at it, so this was a little frustrating. He wanted to give Victor a chance, though, because despite his lack of genuine discernible emotion he was great in all other departments. On top of all that, he was actually showing an interest. Yuri had always felt like the one doing the chasing so being pursued like this was rather flattering now that he thought about it, if a little unfamiliar. 

'We should probably make a move,' Victor glanced at the clock on the wall; 11pm. He didn't want this evening to be over because he was getting a lot of chances to stare at Yuri's face as he got distracted by his own thoughts once more, but he had work the next morning and needed to be the responsible adult. Now there was a thought. 'Hey, how old are you, Yuri?'  
'23. Why?'  
'Hmm. You look younger,' Victor felt slightly less like a creepy old man now.   
'How old are you, then?'  
'My Wikipedia page will tell you 25, but I'm actually 27. Don't you dare pass that information on,' He shrugged on his jacket and thrust his hands into his pockets.   
They both got into the car and the journey home was spent drilling each other about their past lives; where and what they had studied, their favourite this and least favourite that, what they thought about things currently in the news, and Yuri was delighted to find that he agreed with essentially everything Victor said.   
'This is kind of a big question that I've been thinking about,' he finally decided it was time to ask what had been weighing on his brain since he'd googled (not stalked, exactly, just read up on) him. 'But you're not openly gay, are you?'  
'I've never really thought about coming out. I hadn't met anybody I genuinely liked that much up until now. If you're famous, even a little bit, it's a big topic so you have to be with somebody who can support you, you know?'  
Yuri tried to ignore his blatant flirting once again, concentrating instead on the other parts of the answer.   
'But you would, right?' He was thinking too far ahead, but he didn't want to end up in a relationship with somebody locked in the closet. He'd had enough of that to last a lifetime, and it wasn't worth the heartache.   
'Yeah, if I found the right person.'  
Yuri felt Victor's eyes bearing into him, and he looked down at his lap to hide his burning cheeks. The car suddenly stopped, and he looked out the window to see whether they were stuck in traffic, but he quickly realised they were outside his apartment. That was quick. Time flies when you're having fun, as his matron at school had always said. Had tonight been fun? Yeah, it had, he realised.   
'Thanks so much,' he said as he stood on the doorstep, Victor a few metres down the path. 'I had a good time tonight.'  
'Me too,' Victor smiled, and his eyes shone in the streetlight, faking amber underneath the orange glow. 'Where does that leave us?'  
'Your choice.'  
'I've done all the choosing. It's your turn now.'   
Yuri could see Victor wanted another date. Could he deny that smile? That charming, effortless smile?   
'Next time, let's get Japanese food.'

 

'I didn't know who he was when I first met him, although I did know the tv series he had been in and the show he was working on at the time, Hamilton.'


	3. Chapter Three: Perennial Smile

Yuri felt strange when he visited his sisters a few days later, probably because he was keeping a huge secret from them. Usually a casual date or two was something he'd be fine with telling them, but the fact that it was their coveted Victor Nikiforov dulled his eagerness to tell them. That evening they were having their second date, not counting the time they'd gone for coffee, and he was perennially distracted by the thought of it. He was the designated driver this time, both because he'd chosen this restaurant and because Victor's driving made him temporarily believe in God, although he doubted a little faith could save him from being forcefully acquainted with a tree or some similar immovable object. At least they went so fast that they would no doubt be killed on impact; no messy tracheotomies or being confined to a hospital bed for the rest of his life needing people to feed him and drain his urine. His little Volkswagen wasn't quite as prestigious as Victor's Ferrari, but it would have to do, and it attracted less attention which he rather rated. Victor texted him his address, and Yuri wasn't even surprised to see that it was in Knightsbridge, a notoriously rich area of London.   
It wasn't huge looking at it from outside, but he knew from experience that housing prices in this part of and, indeed, most of London were dastardly astronomical. He made Victor wait on the pavement because of the general lack of parking, so he didn't get to look inside, although he could make an educated guess; expensive furniture, modern art and probably a self-worshipping shrine.   
Victor looked as handsome as ever, this time sporting a tan overcoat paired with a maroon scarf that accentuated his slightly heterochromic green and blue eyes. Yuri felt a little underdressed compared, but then he was wearing brandless clothes and Victor was probably wearing Sean John worth more than the car they were sitting in. Victor still told him he looked good, which was nice to hear every now and then but if he heard it from that mouth one more time it'd have very little meaning.   
'Where to today?' Victor, relentlessly charming, handed him a case of wine.   
'It's a surprise,' Yuri took it, turning it over and inspecting it. 'What are you buying me expensive wine for?'  
'I'm trying to buy your affection because I'm shallow and romance has monetary value.'  
'Right,' Yuri hesitated for a few pensive moments before placing the case in the back of his car. 'I'll tell you we're going to a restaurant.'  
'Japanese?'  
Ah yes, he'd already said that. He cursed himself for ruining the surprise and wished he'd been a little more creative. He should've gone for dinner at the Ritz- not that he had the money- since Victor had put his expensive taste aside for something Yuri would like last time. He ought to have returned the favour, really.   
'We're doing something else too,' he said hurriedly, pretending to have something else up his sleeve; realistically, he had nothing else planned and was scrambling for ideas as he spoke. Could they just go back to his, or did that seem opportunistic? He didn't want to be suggestive or, god forbid, provocative. He had a few hours to think about it though, so it needn't be such a pressing matter.   
The restaurant was nearby, and he was glad because he couldn't take a second longer of Victor drumming his fingers against the window, evidently wanting to take the wheel and drive himself. He'd probably have an argument with the ignition of the Volk, expecting it to just go off voice command. After all, he appeared very practised at getting what he wanted; he'd coaxed a very reluctant Yuri into coffee, and now they were on their second date. How time flies.   
They sat near the back of the restaurant as per Victor's request, and still Yuri could sense the eyes skirting towards them whenever he took his eyes off the other diners. Of course they'd stare; a pretty well-known celebrity, not to mention a devilishly handsome one, was sat in the same restaurant as them. It was quite surreal to Yuri, because he wasn't accustomed to being watched- were they making assumptions about him? They were probably hypothesising on who he was, and he wondered what they all thought. He probably looked like a meek journalist who wouldn't be able to ask a single question correctly, and that was kind of what he felt like at times.   
'Yuri,' Victor gently placed a hand on his. The room lost a significant amount of oxygen, owing to the collective gasp that you could hear. 'You look worried. Are you?'  
'What? No, I'm- I'm not used to people staring at me,' he admitted sheepishly, hiding his face by cowering into the wall and bowing his head. Victor's fingers laced through his and he let them stay there as they squeezed his intermittently as reassurance.   
'It's only because this is a busy restaurant in a busy city. Most of these people watch a lot of TV and read magazines,' Victor tried to comfort him further. 'It's not usually this bad.'  
'Did I pick a bad place?'  
'No, no! It's lovely. I like it. I like it, Yuri, so don't look so afraid.'  
'I'm not,' Yuri mumbled, barely coherent. 'Can we just order?'  
Victor let go of his hand and he felt that perhaps he had been a little uncivil, but there was nothing for it now. He picked up the menu, although he didn't know why he bothered to read it because he already knew what he wanted. Victor told him to order for him, and so he ordered two katsudon, his favourite dish that he liked to treat himself with every now and then, knowing that if he ate too much of it he had a propensity to getting a little porky from the pork cutlets. He was ever grateful for the speed with which it arrived, because he could tell the atmosphere had shifted a little after their last interchange.   
'I think this is my new favourite food,' Victor enthused, finishing it quicker than even Yuri.   
'Really?' He felt oddly flattered, even though he had chosen the dish, not cooked it himself, and he'd only chosen it because he himself liked it- he hadn't been thinking of what Victor might like at all.   
'Delicious. Now, tell me about what we're doing after dinner.'  
Yuri grimaced and remembered that he hadn't of yet solved this quandary and he was in dire need of something to say, and quick.   
'I lied,' he blurted out. He'd never been any good at concealing things when under any semblance of pressure. 'I have nothing planned.'  
'In that case,' Victor smirked, like he had known all along. For god's sake, he probably had. 'We could drink the wine I bought. Is yours okay?'  
You smooth bastard, Yuri thought to himself. The oddity he'd spouted about why he'd bought the wine was a cover-up for just wanting to get in his pants. Or maybe he just wanted to get to know him a little better by seeing him in a home environment, away from prying eyes? That was the problem he had with him; he didn't know what to believe. 

Victor was glad he'd brought the wine (not bought- he'd been given it by his agent) because now he could see Yuri at home, somewhere that he would be more comfortable and he wouldn't be hounded by fans or press. He could do without both of them for a long time, especially if it was making Yuri uncomfortable.   
He'd been to his apartment before, but only to pick him up, and he was surprised by how messy it was. Book upon book was stacked haphazardly in piles across the coffee table, which was littered with numerous empty mugs. He'd had Yuri down as a neat freak, but it was clear to see from the state of his apartment that he stood defeated.   
'Sorry it's so bad in here,' Yuri apologised, taking some wine glasses from a cupboard and pouring the dark red liquid into them. 'I went to see my sisters and didn't have time to clear anything up.'   
'Oh?' Victor picked up a framed photo of two young girls, assuming that these were said sisters. 'And what do they think about me?'  
'Like I said, they're obsessed,' Yuri looked like he was thinking just one word; shallow.   
'No, I mean what do they think about us dating?'  
'I haven't told them. And we're not really dating, are we?'  
'Of course we are! We're going on dates!'  
'I thought it was a gradual process.'  
'A gradual process that entails going for coffee and being brave enough to ask for a date, but we've been on two now so that means we're dating. Also, you invited me back to yours.'  
'Not in that way!'  
'Of course not,' Victor laughed, shaking his head. 'You need to relax, Yuri. Why haven't you told them? I thought they liked me.'  
'They do, and that's the problem. They'd chase you away.'  
'Do you doubt my intentions that much?'  
'No, I doubt my sisters' ability to keep their hands off you.'  
'Oh, you're jealous.'  
'No!' Yuri groaned and wish he'd just kept his mouth shut. 'I've never put my hands on you in the first place, so I'm not going to say I'm the only one who can.'   
He yelped as Victor grabbed both his hands and placed them on his waist, pulling him close and placing his own hands on the small of Yuri's back, grinning down at him with impish amusement.   
'What are you doing?' He needn't have asked, because he knew the answer before he opened his mouth. He just couldn't think of anything else to say.   
'There,' Victor released him, taking a step back in propriety. 'Now you've put your hands on me and you're allowed to be jealous. I have to say, though, lots of fans grab me all the time and I have to hug many of them so you'll just have to suffer.'   
'You put my hands on you,' Yuri didn't want him getting this out of proportion. His heart was beating a little too fast for his liking, especially as it had all been in good sport, but he put it down to the shock of it all. He'd always been easy to scare, something his sisters took liberties with exceedingly often. 'Don't do it again.'  
'Why not?' Victor pouted, making puppy dog eyes that nobody could refuse, with perchance the exception of Yuri, who just picked up his glass of wine and took a sip so that he didn't have to make eye contact, then another. He was drinking it way too fast and before he knew it he was verging on a little bit tipsy.   
'You're a nervous drinker I see,' Victor didn't look fussed; in fact, he was smiling the exact same dazzling smile that he probably smiled when he was angry, sad, afraid or any other conceivable emotion. 'That's okay. It means when I kiss you, you won't have a heart attack.'  
'No!' Yuri sobered up quite a bit at that. Victor stared at him for a very long time, and this time his beam faltered a little and his eyebrows dropped a fraction of a millimetre in what had to be surprise and confusion.   
'Is that... You don't want me to?' Victor's smile fell instantly, and Yuri wondered if that was partly for show to evoke sympathy. 'We are dating. It's normal.'   
'Victor, have you ever dated a man before?'  
'Not really.'  
'Yes or no?'  
'Not in a long while. I haven't had any time spare with the whole acting thing, and being in a long-running TV show didn't help.'  
'Okay, well I'd rather take it slow, okay?'  
'All you have to do is say,' Victor ruffled his hair condescendingly.   
'I did.'  
'Yes, and I'm glad. If that's what you want, I'm fine with that. I'm not going to hide that I do like you, but I won't push you any further than you want to go.'  
'Thanks,' Yuri wasn't used to people saying this kind of thing to him. He'd only ever heard such stuff in cheesy movies, never in real life. Maybe it was because Victor was an actor and he half lived a fake life anyway.   
'One thing I will tell you is this: I don't care how long it takes, I'm going to make you fall in love with me.'

 

'We went on the most stupidly romantic dates, because he was grossly romantic and liked to buy me bottles of wine as an excuse to come back to mine. The second date we ever went on, he told me he was going to make me fall in love with him.'


	4. Chapter Four: A Nightingale Sang

You free tonight? I have to open an exhibition at Berkeley Square and I need a date. Could you handle a bit of publicity? Nothing official, I'd just prefer somebody I actually like to come with me. Yuri received this text from Victor late the next morning when he had just come out of a meeting, and it made him roll his eyes hard. 'Put your phone away and do some work,' Maxine chided, waving some papers at him. 'It's his boyfriend,' Lara smirked, nudging her conspiratorially. 'He's not my boyfriend,' he complained, shoving her away. 'Have you seen him again?' 'Ah, that I can't t-' 'I can see from your face that you did. How did it go?' He could tell she couldn't care less about how the date itself went, but rather the fact that it was Victor Nikiforov. 'It was fine. We went out for dinner twice and I'm supposed to be going to a gallery with him tonight. I haven't decided if I want to yet... There'll be cameras and stuff.' 'Yuri, that's great, and I'm glad you've found love-' he was about to protest, but Maxine placed a long-nailed finger against his lips to silence him. '- But you have work to do, so get to it.' 'You have to go!' Lara hissed at him before he was bundled away and given huge stacks of files and sheets to sift through. As he mindlessly alphabetised a huge pile of forms, he thought about whether or not he ought to go. He did like Victor, although he wasn't precisely sure in what kind of way yet, and they got on okay. The dates they'd been on so far were fun, and he often found his mind wondering to the way they'd met. Now that he thought about it, it was quite a romantic story, even if it hadn't felt that way at the time. Wouldn't that be a cool story to tell somebody one day? On the other hand, he didn't want to be hounded by paparazzi or anything. He'd have to at some point, though, if he wanted to continue dating Victor, which provoked the question of whether he did. He didn't want to think about this, which was a good sign that he liked Victor, but it was very important, even if it was early days yet. He wasn't accustomed to being in the spotlight, nor did he enjoy it very much, and that would be a huge factor in whether a relationship between them could work. Since they'd already been on two dates, a relationship was evidently blossoming, especially if he was being invited as a date somewhere grand like an art gallery opening. He would no doubt have to spend a lot of time in front of cameras and at fancy events if he wanted to pursue anything with Victor, and he wasn't entirely certain he wanted that. Surely he should just go and see if he could deal with it, and then make a decision based on that. What's the plan? He sent back, anxiously awaiting a reply. No, Victor would be in rehearsals now, so he would have to wait for ages. Why was he beginning to wait pensively for each text? He had to calm his nerves and keep it in perspective; they were casually dating and nothing more. Victor picked Yuri up that evening, relishing the sight of him in a suit again and noting that this one was much better fitted, evidently something he saved for occasions. He scrubbed up quite well, actually. Victor was wearing the press' favourite baby blue suit with a black shirt and pastel tie. He passed Yuri another casing of wine, winking suggestively. 'Are you still trying to buy me with cheap excuses to get into my house?' Yuri placed it at his feet, once more inspecting the label. 'Although this is not cheap.' 'It's nothing,' Victor shrugged, feigning nonchalance. 'It wasn't that expensive.' 'Not to you, maybe, but...' Yuri could see that he had a lot of money; he had a Ferrari and a house in Knightsbridge. 'You don't have to buy me things, you know. I'll go on dates with you even if we go to a bowling alley and you get me a glass of tap water.' 'Really?' 'Yeah. I'm not materialistic at all, okay? Don't feel like you need to buy me anything.' 'I enjoy buying you things, though!' 'Well if it's like that, I won't complain, but next time I'm taking you on a date that costs under £5.' 'How could you do that?' 'Fun doesn't cost money, Victor,' Yuri told him flatly. He was a little surprised that again he was the one suggesting the next date, although it always felt like Victor was the one pursuing him. He couldn't exactly say that anymore because he was reciprocating romantic advances by promising dates. Before he knew it, they were walking towards the event, and the second the light hit them a throng of paparazzi swarmed around them, taking pictures and yelling things out at them. 'Smile!' 'This way, Victor!' 'Who's that with him?' Victor's hand went to Yuri's elbow and gently guided him towards an extravagantly constructed marquee where a crowd of expectant people awaited the star of the night. Yuri forced a smile, following Victor's example, and stood with him as he greeted various people who also shook Yuri's hand and all had the exact same meaningless smile. Was it an unspoken rule amongst rich people that they all had to learn this smile? Eventually, though, it began to wear and he felt a little tired. Victor had long since been dragged away by artists desperate to show him their work, ostentatiously flirting with him and losing all their inhibitions in his presence. It was understandable really; his looks and charisma combined were a heady mix. He was just about to start wondering round looking at the art when a horde of rabid journalists descended on him, whipped up into a frenzy and foaming at the mouth. 'What's your relationship to Victor Nikiforov?' One demanded. 'Tell us why he's in London!' Another thrust a tape recorder at him. He stumbled back, alarmed by their dogged determination to get the scoop before each other. One of them grabbed him by the wrist and tried to wrench him back, and he cried out and yanked it away, staggering towards the exit and making his escape. The night air was refreshingly cold against his flushed cheeks and he was glad to be out of the crowd. Since it was so high-end, the square had been closed off to the general public, and this meant the square was pretty much empty aside from a few policemen ensuring nobody tried to get into the event that wasn't on the list. He sat on the statue to think things through. He'd been naive to think that there was any way he could handle the publicity being around Victor would involve. It was stressing him out to the limit and he would actually rather have stayed silent than talk about another date when he'd decided previously that today was the day he decided whether this could work out or not. Victor was a great guy, sure, but there were plenty of other guys out there and he'd quickly get over him. They'd only been on three dates after all, and this one had been somewhat disastrous. Gathering his head took slightly longer than intended and before long he'd been out there for ten minutes and was frozen to the core. He should've headed back inside ages ago, but to be honest he was a little worried about what would happen when he did. Would the journalists jump on him again? It was miraculous that they hadn't followed him out here, but he supposed that actually he was the least interesting person at the event that night- he just happened to be with the most interesting person. A hand on the back of his neck made him jolt and almost fall off the statue. 'Yuri, what are you doing out here?' Victor held his hand out to pull him up, but it was ignored and Yuri didn't meet his eyes, instead staring down at the stone beneath his feet. 'Is everything okay?' 'I'm fine,' Yuri was never so blunt. He usually went out of his way to come across as polite, but he was agitated and added to that, he was slowly turning into an ice cube. 'Was it too much?' Victor kneeled down in front of him and made him look into his eyes. 'A bit,' Yuri admitted, finding it hard to keep a steady eye contact. 'I'm sorry, it's my fault, I should've-' 'No, no, it's okay. I didn't expect journalists to be asking me questions and they all just came at once.' 'Really, I'm so sorry for not being there and fending them off with a stick.' Yuri laughed quietly and pulled himself up, upon which Victor pulled him into a hug, squeezing him tight. 'Let go of me!' Yuri squawked, trying to wriggle free, but his attempts were in vain. 'But you're so cold,' Victor held him close to his body, and Yuri couldn't help but relax against him because he was so warm and cosy. His heart stilled and he no longer felt overwhelmed. Maybe this was all okay, because although he hated the press being near him, he had Victor to comfort him and defend him with threats of stick-wielding violence. 'I want to take you on a ghost tour,' Yuri told him, tilting his head back to look up into his eyes. 'Is that okay?' 'You don't need to ask. If I'm with you, then it'll be fun.' Yuri tried not to adhere to his charm and allure, but his mirage smile made him more susceptible to it. 'Is this slow enough?' Victor startled him out of his trance by asking. 'Sorry, what?' 'You said you wanted to take things slowly. I'm not used to slow, so you have to tell me if this is slow enough.' 'Yes, this is just fine,' Yuri found himself blushing, surprised that Victor had remembered. 'Then what date do you think constitutes a good time for a first kiss?' 'Fourth,' this way, he could prepare himself to avoid it. 'I'm counting the coffee as a date,' Victor whispered before putting his warm hands on either side of his neck and, before he could protest, kissing him softly. Yuri's knees went weak and he clung uselessly to Victor's shirt, clenching his fists and then loosening them and splaying his fingers across his chest. Victor's lips moved against his and he felt dizzy, dizzy to the point that if it weren't for the strong arms wrapping around his waist he might not have been able to stand. He even forgave him for kissing him a date early, because coffee definitely hadn't been a date. 'Shall we get out of here?' Victor suggested, finally stepping away and taking both his hands. 'Oh god, not-' 'Not like that,' Victor chuckled at Yuri's horrified expression. 'Just back to mine for a while because the night isn't over yet and I don't want to keep you here if it makes you uncomfortable.' 'Don't they want you around?' 'Not any more than you do.' Victor found Yuri too adorable not kiss him, and it was too electrifying not to invite him back to his. The way his icy hands had tugged at his shirt and he'd let slip a little gasp of surprise, the way he'd held on for dear life and then his innocently dismayed expression when he'd been invited back, all of this had sent him reeling. How was it possible to feel this strongly about somebody so quickly? It wasn't just on a physical level either; he was sweet, endearingly easily to tease, almost painfully shy and he was the first person he'd dated that wasn't after his fame and money. In fact, he secretly suspected that those were things Yuri deplored, and he vowed not to let either swamp him. He drove home even faster than usual, much to Yuri's terror, visible from the fact that he constantly gripped the seat and his skin turned a shade of ashen gray every time he swerved dangerously round a corner or overtook on a bend. 'You're going to crash that stupid car one day,' Yuri said when they got out and he had recovered from the paralysing fear. 'You're going to crash it and die.' 'I'm a very careful driver,' Victor lied as he unlocked his door, swinging it open and stamping his feet on the doormat. 'I'll get some drinks.' He poured out some vintage Bordeaux, one that he'd been saving for a special occasion. This warranted a special occasion. Yuri drank it too fast again, his anxious disposition not helping to calm his nerves that had been building up since being swarmed by journalists. He looked around the kitchen-cum-sitting-room, lounging on a white leather sofa with a most likely real fur throw, stunned by the amount of money it must have all cost. The walls were bright white, the glare countered by simplistic paintings with generic black and white patterns. There were no pictures anywhere which was quite surprising, but then what had he expected? From what he could see, Victor lived alone and he was a bit estranged from his family. 'It's a pretentious room, I know. I'm only renting it until my actual house is built,' Victor came and sat next to him, casually draping an arm round him. 'Your actual house?' Yuri tried to at as if he hadn't just flinched when Victor touched him. 'I'm building a house just outside London.' 'Oh.' 'It's actually really near to you, as it goes.' 'Really?' Yuri perked up a bit, much to his own chagrin. 'Yeah. Can I ask you a question?' 'You're going to ask it anyway, aren't you?' 'You're not wrong,' Victor chuckled at him, placing his wine on the glass coffee table in front of them. 'I want you to stay over tonight.' Yuri jerked upright, his eyes snapping wide open and his eyebrows shooting up. 'I said slow!' He squeaked. 'Don't proposition me on our third date!' 'When can I proposition you?' 'Never.' 'But that's not moving slowly, that's staying still.' 'Marriage.' 'Then marry me,' Victor teased, leaning close to him until Yuri could feel his breath on his neck. 'How about we don't even talk about it?' He was bright red by now, unaccustomed to such bold talk. 'Don't be so prudish. It's normal for people who are dating to talk about sex.' 'Shh!' Yuri gasped, slapping a hand over Victor's mouth. 'I didn't even mean it like that,' Victor said once he removed the hand from his face. 'I actually just realised that it's 2am and there's no point in you going home and I can't even drive you because I've had too much to drink now.' 'Why didn't you just say that in the first place?' 'Because I was hoping you'd take it the wrong way and sleep with me.' 'No chance,' Yuri grimaced and tried to hide a yawn. 'See? You're tired too. You can sleep in the spare room. Come on, porosenok.' Victor often found himself slipping back into Russian when he was flirting or he was tired. Currently, both were to blame. 'What does that mean?' He didn't answer, instead smiling to himself and helping Yuri up, then leading him quite against his will to the spare bedroom and lying him down, tucking the duvet round him and lying down on his side next to him. 'I thought this was the spare room,' Yuri groaned, covering his face with his arms. 'It is. I just don't want to pass up an opportunity,' Victor smirked and scooted up next to him, throwing an arm across his chest and hooking a leg round his waist, closing his eyes and breathing deeply. 'Goodnight, Yuri.' 'Victor, you're crushing me.' 'You're letting me.' Yuri smacked him on the head, turning rose-red and screwing his eyes tightly shut. 'I'm just saying it's not too late to be propositioned...' This comment won Victor another disciplinary action, this time a box to the ear. 'Okay, okay! Dobroy nochi, krasivaya.' 'Oyasumi, Victor.' 'You might have all noticed Victor being Russian, and I certainly couldn't have missed it because he always used to speak to me in Russian, and I guess I'm relieved he's stopped now.'


	5. Chapter Five: Haunted

Yuri was an early waker; always had been, most likely always would be. This he knew would cause some uncomfortable situations in later life, and it was causing one now. He should have known that Victor was the kind of person to sleep until late morning or early afternoon (he just prayed for the former), but what made it worse was that the two of them had crept closer and closer in the night until they ended up with Victor's arms round Yuri's waist, Yuri's round Victor's neck, which was giving him the worst pins and needles, and their faces centimetres away from each other. He tried to squeeze his arm out from underneath him as gently and quietly as he possibly could, but being a clumsy oaf he woke Victor up almost immediately.   
'Da? Oh,' He blinked slowly, his voice husky and painfully sexy. 'Good morning, beautiful.'  
'Don't flirt with me,' Yuri bit his lip, glancing down quickly.   
'You spent the night in bed with me. Why can't I flirt with you?'  
'I don't know, it's weird!'  
'We've been dating for nearly three weeks,' Victor pointed out. 'It isn't even flirting anymore.'  
Yuri used this moment to pull himself out of Victor's grasp and heave himself out of bed. He picked his phone up from the bedside table, groaning when he saw the time and the barrage of texts he'd received from his coworkers.   
'I need to get to work,' his shoulders slumped as he thought about all the paperwork piling up on his desk. 'And find my Oyster card...'   
He rummaged through the pockets of his jeans, then went to search for his jacket. He managed to locate it tucked into one of his inside pockets, and took a deep breath of relief. He was about to put it in his wallet when a hand plucked it from his grasp.   
'I'll drive you,' Victor slid the Oyster card back into the pocket it had come from.   
'But-'  
'I'll hear nothing of it. Put your coat on and we'll go,' he took the jacket down from its hook and, like a perfect gentleman, helped him put it on. 'Perfect.'

Yuri was never going to let Victor drive him to work again. For starters, it was always a terrifying ordeal to have him behind the wheel, and to finish the second he had clocked in he'd been accosted by Lara for the second time. She was furious that he hadn't given her any warning or brought Victor in so that she could meet him. He reminded her that he wanted to keep it on the down low, so showing him off to his colleagues would probably threaten the secrecy of the operation.   
After doing some paperwork for the first time in days, he started googling ghost tours and scary funhouses in London, since he'd promised this low budget date to Victor. He imagined he'd get bored easily without being able to throw money at things, but then again it might be quite public so at least he could show off to some drooling fans. The London Bridge experience seemed the best option, not to mention the scariest- his sisters had gone one Halloween and still claimed that somebody had died of a heart attack. A quick Google had proved their allegations false, but they were relentless and did not drop the story. He hated horror himself, but he'd said this was what they were doing and he would stick to it and keep his reputation as a man of his word. He was going to brave this house of horror and prove once and for all that Victor could keep him safe from scary things such as chainsaw-wielding murderers, creepy dolls and, most importantly, the press.

'I can't believe I talked myself into this,' Yuri whined as Victor dragged him through the ticket barrier into the London Bridge experience. Though he was scared witless, Victor was very eager and excited. He was probably desensitised to fear because of his driving. Nevertheless, Yuri allowed himself to be towed round the first bit, which was just a historical introduction to the bridge and despite a few fake severed heads and a weird Celtic tribe of washed-up actors, it wasn't scary. It was almost a bit disappointing that there was nothing scary. Wasn't it supposed to be the scariest thing in London?   
Just as they were about to walk through a door, one of said actors grabbed Victor's arm and spun him round.   
'Aren't you Victor Nikiforov?' She squealed, her face lighting up. 'Oh my god, you are!'  
It was quite dark in the room, but soon the other actors had noticed and made the same realisation.   
Victor was about to speak, but Yuri didn't want to be caught in a kerfuffle, not in here where there was no exit. He started talking angry and fast Japanese, pretending they were tourists, and they immediately were confused. Victor cottoned on quickly and said the only words he knew in Japanese, and Yuri fought to hide his laugh. He was repeating 'oyasumi' and 'katsuki', but somehow he managed to pull it off and they backed away, apologising. Yuri yanked Victor through the door and the second they made it out he exploded into fits of giggles, laughing so hard that Victor couldn't help but laugh along with him until they were wiping tears from their eyes.   
'That was incredible,' Yuri wheezed, resting his hands on his knees as he tried to catch his breath. 'Do you really only know my name and goodnight?'  
'Is that what it means? You said it the other night and I remembered it. Anyway, we should head into the actually scary bit, right?'   
'What do you mean?'  
'Did you think that was it?' Victor was astounded. There was a whole 'nother exhibit that he wasn't even aware of. 'Oh dear. Look, we ought to catch up with the others before we miss out on the fun.'  
'Fun...' Yuri nodded slowly, trying to disguise the racing of his heart because he was sure it was audible. For somebody so easy to scare, a horror house is never an enjoyable experience.   
They were bundled into a claustrophobic bunker, about ten people all squeezed onto one bench in it. There was a TV screen on the wall in front of them, and after a long wait it flickered to life. It displayed some creepy video with flashing images and gore and a lot of clichéd horror movie stuff. Then they sat in the bunker for what felt like forever, until Yuri felt so smothered that he thought they might be stuck there for all eternity. Why weren't they letting them out? Were they planning to let them sit there and desiccate? Eventually, they were released and went forth into the exhibit itself. They meandered through a dark room with heads and various other body parts suspended from the ceiling, smacking against their heads from time to time but causing more of a minor annoyance than any fear. It all took a turn for the worse, however, when they were forced to squeeze through tiny gaps and people began jumping out at them. The third time it happened, Yuri cried out and grabbed Victor, huddling into his side in a pathetic attempt to protect himself.   
Victor grinned down at him and allowed him to burrow into his coat like a child. He actually found it frankly adorable how Yuri was frightened by all of this, because after years on a set with stuff like this he'd lost any apprehension over supposedly 'scary' things, having seen it all after the show and how all the 'monsters' and 'ghouls' would take their makeup and masks off and sit around drinking weak coffee and how the gore and guts would at the end of the day be thrown around at the actors for a bit of fun. Whatever his own feelings about it, Yuri was a tad petrified and so he gripped his hand tightly and led him bravely through rooms with fake asylum patients (something he found a little tasteless) and a chainsaw murderer and all the typical things one would expect to find in such a place. When they at last made it out alive, much to Yuri's relief, their hands were probably broken from how firmly they'd been holding each other's.   
'Ugh,' Yuri let his hand drop to his side. 'I am never putting myself through that again.'  
'You don't think it was a little bit fun?' Victor teased; he could tell there had been nothing but terror for him.   
'I think I need a Xanax.'  
'I can get you a coffee, if that would suffice.'  
'God no. I need something to calm my nerves, not make me feel worse.'  
'Then how about hot chocolate?'  
'Still has caffeine.'  
'Right. In that case, let's get you home and we can watch a film or something.'  
'Please, feel free to invite yourself back to mine,' Yuri muttered irritably, but Victor just chuckled at his antics and put a hand on the small of his back, steering him towards where he had parked his car slightly illegally. As could be expected, he had a ticket, but it was of little importance to him. He had all the money in the world and nothing to spend it on; this fine was an alleviation of some of that pressure. Having Yuri around helped too somewhat, because he could buy him expensive gifts, although he never seemed to like them that much. All he'd bought so far was wine, so perhaps he ought to change it up a little. He got the feeling anything too big would be rejected completely, and usually he was buying things for women, but this time jewellery was out of the question. He just didn't know how to date anymore- he hadn't done it in so long! It was due, in part, to his agent. The last real relationship he'd had ended messily because she'd disapproved of it, and as a result of that he'd only dated people since that she had carefully selected for him. Now though, he was taking things into his own hands. He wouldn't have ever thought about going against what his agent said, because his public image was very important to him, but Yuri was worth more than any of that. He was worth more than Victor had.

  
_It took a long time to look past the charm and money and the facade, and I think I might be the only person to this day he's ever allowed to._


	6. Chapter Six: Apple of My Eye

It was a few days before Yuri heard from Victor again. He wasn't too annoyed because it was quite nice to have a break and spend some time just concentrating on catching up with menial things like work and making sure all his bills were paid. He wasn't too self-denying that he would claim he didn't miss him a little bit, because he was fun to be around and it was nice to have somebody interesting to talk to every now and then. He didn't have to wait too long though, because a couple of days later he received a text out of the blue.   
'Sorry, busy at work!' It read. 'Do you want to go out tomorrow? This time, it's a surprise.'  
'You have from 10am onwards. Don't kill me.' Yuri sent back. If they were taking the car, he didn't think Victor could keep to his promise.

Of all the dates Victor could have chosen, apple picking was the one Yuri had least expected.   
'Isn't it the wrong season?' He'd asked when Victor had told him what they were doing at a farm.   
'I have my ways,' Victor had tapped his nose, insinuating that he could actually change the season. 'Actually, they're empire apples. They're in season for months.'   
'Sounds like my mother.'  
'Ouch,' Victor winced, but grinned at him. 'Do you want to do it, then?'  
'You've organised a date that isn't going to break banks. Let's do it.'   
The business was run by an elderly lady who guided them to a large orchard and gave them a basket each, telling them they had half an hour to collect as many as they'd like.   
'Oh no,' Victor looked sly. 'I am so competitive. This is terrible.'  
Yuri looked at him, his own competitive streak bubbling to the brim, and pulled a sinister smile.   
'I hope you're not a sore loser,' he cried as he legged it to the nearest tree, launching himself at the apples. Victor cackled and reached up into the branches easily, winning in the height department. Yuri, however, was determined not to be defeated and scrambled onto a branch, shinning his legs in the process in the knowledge that it would ultimately be worth it. He scrabbled for all the apples his hands could reach, and then kicked some to the floor and leapt down, rolling his ankle and hopping round in pain for a few seconds before picking them all up and shoving them into his basket. He glanced over at Victor, who was still taking his sweet time about it. How was he planning to win like that? Yuri shook his head and concentrated on his own victory. He moved onto his next target, shaking the tree viciously and sending apples flying in all directions, then taking through the long grass to find them. So far he probably had about twenty apples- he was doing pretty well, although he had nothing to compare it to. It wasn't as if he'd learnt the average amount of apples picked per hour. He was confident in his abilities, though, that this was above average; he'd climbed a damn tree at the age of 23. After he'd exhausted the crop in the grass, he returned to above-ground missions, scaling the trees not-so-expertly and also using his height to spy on enemy operations. When he saw Victor's hoard, he almost dropped his basket. He had thousands! He had so many his basket had overflowed and he was piling them on the floor next to it! How was this possible?   
'You're cheating!' He yelled from his position in the tree. He was at a strategically advantageous point, so he could easily make bold accusations without fear of repercussions. Then again, Victor could probably reach him in the tree.   
'How could I cheat?' Victor queried drily. 'I'm just better than you. You've been wasting time climbing trees and falling out of them.'  
'Have not!' Yuri cried indignantly, almost falling out the tree with his angry hand gestures. 'I'm gonna win, you'll see!' With that, he waved his arms so vigorously that he lost his balance and went tumbling to the ground. He lay there dazed for a moment, a dull aching in his head, just staring at the sky, until it was eclipsed by a shadow leaning over him.   
'You're such a moron,' Victor knelt down by his head. 'How many fingers am I holding up?' He held up three.   
'Forty-two,' Yuri said with a wise nod, sitting up slowly. 'The meaning of life.'  
'I think you're concussed...'  
'No, I'm just making jokes you don't understand. Now let me up so I can pick more apples.'  
'No way. You're going to end up dead being as clumsy as that. We can work together now, okay?'  
Yuri pouted, but allowed Victor to help him to his feet and then put their baskets next to each other. Suddenly, Yuri was swept off said feet and lifted high into the air so that he almost hit his head on a branch.   
'Put me down!' He squealed, smacking Victor's hands and wriggling about.   
'Stop moving or you'll fall,' Victor lifted him higher. 'Get the ones right at the top.'  
'Good strategy,' Yuri approved, throwing down all the ones within his grasp. When he'd completed his task, Victor slowly lowered him down but didn't let go of him, instead snuggling him into his chest.   
'You're frozen,' he murmured into his ear, which was bright red and ice-cold, as were his hands. He gently kissed his pink nose, turning his cheeks a similar colour.   
'Has it been half an hour yet?' Yuri mumbled, his voice muffled by Victor's coat.   
'I'm sure it has.'   
                       Victor put the heater on blast as soon as they got in the car, and Yuri was grateful for the additional heat, additional because his face was burning up thanks to Victor's flirtatious antics. Had the kiss really been necessary? Then again, this was their fifth date and they were past the official kissing date. He wasn't sure why he was being so shy, but he supposed it was part of his nature. He hadn't grown up with much affection so he was a little unpractised in the art of receiving it. Not to worry- he was certain Victor would be trying it on a lot. He could practise both getting it and refusing it, because both are of equal importance.   
'This isn't the way to my house,' he remarked upon looking out the window.   
'That was a half hour date, do you really think we're done?' Victor smiled dazzlingly at him. 'I am going to take you back to mine and make sure you're warm.'   
Yuri already felt warm, although not physically, from how sweet Victor was being. It took him a few seconds to understand that Victor probably wasn't talking about hot chocolate in front of a fire, and when he realised this he went an even deeper shade of mauve.   
'Victor, you are not taking me back to your house to sleep with me!' He spluttered, wrapping his arms around himself as if to fend off any reaching hands.   
'You always assume the worst,' Victor somehow found a way past the arms to take his hand and hold it. 'I'm going to bundle you up in a thousand blankets and make you coffee.'  
'Both hands on the wheel, Vin Diesel.'  
'I've never been in a crash and I never will.'   
'Unless you can tell me tomorrow's lottery numbers, I won't believe you're psychic enough to know that.'   
'It's sweet that you care so much.'  
'I am also in this car and I don't really feel much like dying today.'   
'Whatever you say, porosenok.'   
Yuri shot him a glare, but didn't let go of his hand. It was only because his own was really cold, not because he was enjoying it.

Victor didn't know why he had so many blankets in his house, but he was grateful that they had appeared in multitudes because now he got to see the most heart-meltingly adorable sight ever known to man; Yuri swaddled in all of them like a little piroshki, huddled into them. He sat beside him on the sofa and threw his arms round the masses of blanket.   
'I'm too hot now,' Yuri grumbled, never satisfied.   
'Take some off then,' Victor raised an eyebrow. 'Or are you too used to being treated like royalty now?' He slowly peeled off layer by layer of blankets until there were only two left and a huge pile on the floor.   
'I'm not just sitting here all day. This is meant to be a date!'  
Victor was surprised by how much more vocal Yuri was becoming by the day, and he was enjoying it. They could now have a conversation without him suddenly going beer red and looking at the floor for help.   
'Let's go for- oh!' He dashed to the window, leaning on the silk and looking out. 'It's snowing!'  
Yuri scrambled to his feet and bounded over, bouncing up and down like a small child when he saw the crystal snowflakes pirouetting down from the clouds. It was already beginning to settle, a thin blanket starting to form on the ground.   
'We have to go outside!' He grabbed Victor's arm and pulled him down the stairs and out the door to stand in the snowfall, the snowflakes sticking to them quickly. They barely showed up in Victor's hair, but they were clearly visible in Yuri's as he looked up towards the sky, beaming and trying to catch some in his hands. He was just about to make some profound observation about the beauty of it when he felt something cold slide down his back. He yelped and whipped around to see Victor howling with laughter, having just shoved some snow down the back of his shirt. He bent down and picked some up, balling it into a perfect little sphere and then weighting it in his hand. It was heavy and well-compacted like a block of ice, and he hurled it hard at Victor, catching him on the shoulder. Victor rebuffed him with his own bigger one, and soon they were engaged in their second battle of the day. Yuri had snow everywhere- in his hair, inside and outside his clothes, in his shoes, places he didn't know snow could get to.  
'Truce, truce!' He stood up from behind a car he'd been using as a shield. 'Pneumonia isn't as fun as it sounds.'  
'Fine,' Victor extended a hand to shake, but instead of taking it, Yuri used this opportunity to shove snow down Victor's shirt, making him gasp and hop around manically for a moment trying to get it out. Abruptly, there was a sudden rush of photographers all trying to piece in on the action. What idiot had clued them in? They'd been outside for a maximum of ten minutes!  
'Oh for god's sake,' Victor muttered, gritting his teeth and waving at them all, forcing a smile, before being chased by an anxious Yuri into the house. 'Sorry. I have no privacy in big cities.'   
'It's fine. I'm glad to get you out of the snow because now you can't get me back,' Yuri smirked. 'I won, basically.'  
'Oh, you did?' Victor's smile took on a new, snide look and he darted forwards, putting his hands up Yuri's shirt and creased up at the reaction he got to his subzero hands. 'I always win.'  
Shivering, Yuri took his wrists and pulled them out from underneath his shirt.   
'You're an idiot,' he rolled his eyes humorously.  
'But you like it,' Victor took his hands and drew him in, holding him against his chest like they were dancing.   
'Not especially.'   
'You do. I can feel your heart beating against mine.'   
'My heart isn't beating!'  
Victor shook his head and slid a hand under Yuri's chin, tilting his head back so he could kiss him very softly.   
'That should help.'

  
_His eyes were what gave him away first, because he can't change the twinkle in it and you learn to understand what different twinkles mean._


	7. Chapter Seven: Grand Reveal

'Yuriiiii!' Yuri's youngest sister, Aika, launched herself at him as he walked through the door, hanging off his neck and almost throwing him to the floor. The elder sister, Clara, hung back and waved at him, unwilling to save him from the demented child he was now wearing as a necklace.   
'Hi Aika, hi Clara,' he detached the gremlin from himself and lowered her to the ground. For nine years old, she really was scrawny. 'I wanted to talk to you guys about something.'  
Even though it wasn't serious yet, his relationship with Victor was starting to feel like it was blossoming into just that and he knew that it was unfair to keep this kind of thing from them. He definitely wasn't going to let them meet him- they most certainly weren't anywhere near the level of 'meet my family'- but they ought to know it was happening. He just had to hope they didn't demand to see him, because their insistence was his downfall.   
'Is it about Clara's boyfriend?' Aika giggled, and this was the first Yuri had heard of it. 'He's really old! Dad got angry with her and she didn't get to have any cake, but I did!'  
'Is this true, Clara?'  
'No. Can this wait? I have revision to do.'  
Right, she was just a month or so away from the dreaded mock GCSEs.   
'It's really quick,' he promised. 'Sit down in the living room while I get some coffee.'  
'All that caffeine is bad for you,' Clara informed him righteously. 'We learnt about it in biology last year. I don't drink coffee anymore.'  
'Me not having caffeine would be bad for you,' Yuri countered, flicking the kettle on and grabbing a mug from the cupboard. There was only instant coffee, something he avoided as much as possible because he never seemed able to put in the correct amount of coffee granules. It was always either brown water or so strong the spoon got stuck. He finally joined his sisters after taking forever balancing out the ratio of coffee to water, sitting in his favourite armchair and sighing heavily. He hadn't noticed how tired he was until he finally got a moment to relax. Work had been a whirlwind and he was still exhausted from picking apples with Victor, despite it being now three days ago. They'd been texting back and forth, but hadn't planned any furthers dates yet, although Victor was insanely busy as Hamilton was opening in a few weeks and he seemed to be rehearsing day and night without break.   
'Okay,' he set his mug down on the table. 'Do you two promise not to be really annoying about this?'   
'Nope,' Aika shook her head vigorously.   
'Honestly, what did I expect? Alright, it's really nothing major, but-'  
'Oh my god, have you finally got a boyfriend?' Clara clasped her hands together, her eyes lighting up.   
'No! Nothing like that,' he knew his cheeks were going pink.   
'You so have!'   
'Like I said, it's nothing major. We're just casually dating,' he put added emphasis on casually. He couldn't have them getting the wrong idea about this.   
'When do we get to meet him?'  
'That's the thing... It's actually somebody you know.'  
'What?' Clara wrinkled up her nose in confusion. 'I don't know anybody gay except for you.'  
'You don't know them personally, you just know who they are.'  
'I can't think of anyone.'  
'They're a bit famous.'  
'Famous? Are you trying to tell me you're dating Elton John?'  
'Yes,' Yuri shot her a glare. 'Because I know every gay person that exists. We all of us get together every month, have a convention.'  
'Just tell us!' Aika whined, kicking her legs impatiently against the cushions of the sofa.   
'Uh, it's Victor Nikiforov.'   
Clara spluttered and almost fell off the sofa, stunned.   
'Tell us who it really is!' She complained, twiddling a lock of her hair round her finger and looking thoroughly annoyed.   
'I just did,' Yuri frowned.   
'Victor isn't gay because he's dated loads of women, he lives in America and he's an actual celebrity. Plus, he's really really fit. I love you, but he is so out of your league.'  
Did she really think that? Moreover, was it true? It did seem that way when she said it like that; Victor was insanely rich, pretty famous and drop dead gorgeous to boot. Yuri was a borderline panhandler the way he was missing work so often, the only time he'd ever had any publicity was when at six years old he'd made the local newspaper for falling in a river and not knowing how to swim and he wasn't going to make any claims towards being good looking.   
'I'm seriously not joking. He lives in London because he's always lived here, he just moved to America to film Vengeance.'  
'Prove it,' Clara smirked, not believing he could. She thought this was revenge for all the pranks she and Aika would pull on him. 'Show us a photo of you with him.'  
'I don't have any,' he realised this was true. They had never taken any photos together, it had never even occurred to- oh god. Wouldn't the press taking pictures of them at the exhibition opening have posted them somewhere? He couldn't find out now, but he'd have to look into it.   
'Then I don't believe you,' Clara folded her arms across her chest smugly.   
Yuri's stubborn streak was still burning in him after the apple fiasco, and now he wanted nothing more than to prove to his sisters that he was dating Victor, who totally wasn't out of his league.   
'How could I prove it to you?' He asked, his eyes blazing.   
'Bring him to the school annual gala tomorrow.'  
'Why?'  
'Because I'm singing and if it's really Victor, I want him to hear me sing and show off to all my friends that he's come to watch me, right?'  
'No. No way,' Yuri shook his head. 'I can't compromise his privacy like that.'  
'Then you're lying!'  
'I'll do it. I can smuggle him in, but you have to promise not to tell anyone or let anybody know he's there.'  
'How will I know he is?'  
'He'll be sat next to me, obviously.'   
'But anybody could be sat next to you!'  
'Fine, I'll bring him backstage if you swear to keep quiet about it.'   
'Deal,' she grinned, and they shook hands firmly.

Can I ask you a huge favour? Victor received this text from Yuri late Thursday evening, just as he was settling into bed after a long day of rehearsals.   
Anything he replied, anxious to receive a reply already.   
I told my sisters that we're dating and they don't believe me, so I told my sister I'd bring you to her school gala that she's singing in to prove it, is that weird? Don't worry if you can't make it/think it's creepy... By the way, I'd have to smuggle you in because the school would kill me if I brought the entire news channel to their gala.   
Victor smiled at Yuri's nerves. He got so het up about small things and it was an endearing characteristic that Victor adored.   
I'd love to! Don't worry, I'm an expert at sneaking into places. Galas, theatres, bedrooms... He could imagine Yuri's face as he read that last part. He'd probably be bright red and trying to bury his phone in Hyde Park. The thought of it made his chest go tight and his heart to flutter excitedly.   
I'll pick you up tomorrow. Absolutely no ferrari. I'm leaving the cunning disguise to you.  
Victor pouted at Yuri's obvious disinclination for his Ferrari; how could anybody hate it? It was beautiful! So fast, so glamorous, so eye-catching! All the things a car ought to be. But then again, Yuri was a much more reserved and less ostentatious person. He would never dream of flaunting his money, although he likely couldn't afford a ferrari. Not surprising given that he always seemed to be forgetting or skiving meetings. He felt a little guilty because he was sometimes the reason that Yuri missed out on important things at work. Also, he wasn't one to judge because he was already planning to take the next evening rehearsal off so he could go this gala, whatever a gala was.   
He wondered what an office job was like, because the only jobs he'd had outside of acting had been manual labour. He doubted he'd be very good at it because he could never sit down and concentrate on a sheet of paper for more than ten minutes, and even that was a struggle and required immense amounts of brainpower. No, he was best suited to acting. It was his calling, and so was pursuing Yuri. He was enjoying himself so much in the chase that the end goal barely mattered to him anymore. He really loved the time they spent together and wished he could spend all his time with Yuri. Maybe one day...

Yuri couldn't believe that Victor's idea of a 'cunning disguise' was a hoodie and sunglasses. Was that really it? No glasses with a fake nose and a moustache? No elaborate costume or wax mask? He was meant to be an actor!   
'Which sister is singing?' Victor ignored his disappointed expression.   
'The older one. Clara, her name is. Big fan. I'm really sorry, is this-'  
'It's not weird!' Victor reassured him, leaning over to peck him on the cheek. 'Anyway, hi.'  
'Yeah, hi,' Yuri was distracted by the kiss and almost drove right into the oncoming traffic.   
'Who's the dangerous driver now?' Victor raised an eyebrow, but was actually just enjoying the fact that he'd affected him this much. Teasing Yuri was his new favourite pastime, and good god was he going to start doing it a lot more often. As soon as Hamilton was done and dusted, he was going to see Yuri at every possible moment.   
The gala was already in full swing- they'd arrived late so they didn't have to mill around in the lobby waiting to go in, as this would have risked the whole ruse. They sat towards the back so that they could also make a quick escape at the end, after which Yuri would go backstage to pick his sister up as requested and he would sneak Victor with him to meet her.   
Clara was at the end, and it felt like they were waiting hours before she came on, dressed in the compulsory black dress for evening events such as this. She was singing Dear Theodosia from Hamilton, which seemed to amuse Victor a lot. It was quite the coincidence really. When she opened her mouth to sing, Yuri had to take Victor's hand and squeeze it hard to keep himself from calling out in pride. She sang with such a sweet, honey voice and there was such innocence behind it that everything she sang sounded like a lullaby.   
'She's really good,' Victor leaned over to whisper in his ear.   
'I know!' Yuri enthused, his free hand gripping the seat. Victor was leaning forwards, an intrigued expression on his face, enraptured. Of course he was- Clara was incredible. Her eyes suddenly landed on them, and her eyes went wide, faltering in her song for a split second. When she finished, there was a short silence before the audience erupted into rapturous applause. She smiled and bowed before rushing off the stage, no doubt excited to see if her brother had really brought Victor Nikiforov to her school gala.   
'Go,' Yuri whispered to Victor, elbowing him and following him down the aisle to get backstage. It was filled with teenage girls, and it was obvious that Victor couldn't reveal himself here or he'd be mobbed. They were already giggling and nudging each other, peering at them in a not-so-subtle manner.   
'Excuse me, who are you?' A teacher bustled over, obviously surprised to see two men in the backstage area of a private all girls school gala.   
'Yuri Katsuki. I'm here to pick up Clara. Do you know where I could find her?'  
'Ah, yes. She's in the dressing room down the corridor. I'll fetch her for you.'   
'Thanks.'  
She led them down a very long corridor, for which Yuri was grateful because the further away from Clara's classmates the better. She emerged from a room, laden with bags and her expression one of expectance. Before anything else, Victor took her bags and held them himself like a true gentleman. Then he took down the hood and removed the sunglasses and Clara all but fell to the floor in a dead faint.   
'Oh my god,' she breathed. 'Yuri, did you hire him? Is he a lookalike?'  
'I'm the real deal,' Victor smiled, holding out a hand. She tried to shake it, but he lifted her hand to his lips and kissed it. Yuri actually felt minorly jealous, which was ridiculous because they'd only ever once kissed properly anyway and Victor was always kissing his cheek and his nose, for some reason.   
Clara was actually hyperventilating, her eyes as wide as they could go and her mouth hanging open very unattractively.   
'How did you get him to go on a date with you?' She turned on her brother, her tone incredulous.   
'Actually,' Victor answered for him. 'I was the one who asked him. I badgered him about it until he relented.'   
'Can I hug you?' She turned back to him. He chuckled and held his arms wide. Yuri was even more jealous as he watched his sister snuggle into him. He wanted to do that, all of a sudden. Victor caught his expression and winked suggestively at him, as if to say 'later'. This was even worse and did nothing to alleviate his discomfort.   
'Well, we should go,' he sighed, peeling Clara away and taking Victor's hand to emphasise who he was interested in. Victor wrapped an arm round his waist, agreeing.   
'I'm tired. I think I need you to put me to bed,' he pulled puppy dog eyes and Yuri glared at him.   
'You can put yourself to bed.'  
'Won't you take me home?'  
Yuri wasn't sure in which way he meant this; to his own home, or return him back to his house.   
'I'm not taking you anywhere,' he said with finality. 'I'm dropping my sister home and then you. It's too late for a glass of wine now. Now, cover up again.'  
Victor obeyed and they slipped quickly through the crowd.

  
_I didn't really want to believe it at first, but he got under my skin pretty quickly. I started to think about seriously making it official relatively early on. Early on for me, anyway._


	8. Chapter Eight: Build Up

'Are you cold?' Victor placed his hand on Yuri's cheek as he drove back to his, Clara sat in the back hyperventilating with excitement. Yuri shook his head, keeping his eyes fixed on the road, probably so he didn't have to look at either of the occupants of the car. He was awkward like that sometimes, and it just made Victor like him all the more. 'So you two are what, dating?' Clara confirmed leaning forwards so that she could be in between the two of them. 'Dating,' Yuri nodded slowly, and it seemed that he couldn't believe it any more than his sister. 'Dating casually or dating to get somewhere?' Yuri remembered now why he hadn't wanted his sister to meet Victor just yet. Curse his sudden impulsive stubborn moments... Now Clara was checking Victor's intentions, something she really had no right to be doing, although he could understand why she might want to. 'Casually,' Yuri tried to play it down and be nonchalant, but at the same time he said this Victor spoke; 'To get somewhere.' They looked at each other, and Victor's facade was as impenetrable as usual, although Yuri was certain he could detect a little sadness in the way that his shoulders slumped slightly. He felt bad, but couldn't really think of a way to make up for it. He put the radio on to distract himself, but the news was just as bad as the atmosphere, so he switched it off again. He didn't know why he was being so tetchy; perhaps it was a combination of anxiety over whether Victor thought it was weird that he'd asked him to come tonight, what his sister thought about them, the thought of paparazzi showing up and a multitude of other factors that were constantly weighing on him. He probably would have slammed his head on the wheel in exasperation had it not been for the hand that took his, even if it removed it from the wheel. Victor kissed his hand mindlessly, locking their fingers together and letting them fall onto his lap. Yuri breathed in sharply and tried to conceal his blush from Clara, who was watching them intently. Was she so enthralled because it was Victor or because she'd never seen Yuri with somebody like this before? He supposed that he'd never brought home any man like this before; somebody she looked up to so hugely- somebody suave and sophisticated who was genuinely interested and looked out for him. All of his relationships had been short and ended because they'd flatlined for the sole reason that he never felt any real passion for them, and he couldn't figure out why. With Victor, though, when he had kissed him it had felt like his lungs were on fire. He hadn't felt a tension like that before, not really, so to have it there supported his decision not to drop it. Even now, sat in a car with his sister of all people, he found himself holding Victor's hand tighter and wishing they were alone so he could speak freely. He wanted to apologise for saying they were only dating casually, because thinking about how Victor treated him made him realise it was much more than that. He had come tonight with good grace and humour, even though it was strange and perhaps a little creepy, and now he had immediately noticed he was a little upset and even after Yuri had unintentionally hurt his feelings, he was willing to hold his hand and comfort him- in fact, he was the one who had instigated this reassuring gesture, rather than just allowing it to happen. But did somebody treating him really well constitute the beginnings of a relationship? He couldn't just like any person for their manners. He didn't know if that was shallow or not, but it was the fact of the matter. If there was no interest or mutual attraction the way they acted towards each other made no difference. He believed that there was mutual attraction, because Victor had easily convinced him of his affection, and he was 90% sure he returned some level of the same kind of thing. He was shying away from it a little because he was just that- shy. One day though, and he hoped soon, he could be more open about it and not want to run and hide every time Victor was a little more forward than he anticipated. All this had him thinking that at some point they might actually make it official- not yet, because he knew he just wasn't ready, but he was alarmed by the realisation that he actually wanted this in the foreseeable future, although he wasn't certain when. The word boyfriend invaded his thoughts and made him feel a little sick. Yeah, he definitely wasn't ready for that. The key thing was building up to it and not rushing in because Victor charmed him into it or because he was lonely. He had to learn to better deny that smile. He dropped Clara at home, much to her disappointment as she had wanted to stay so she could drool over Victor for a little longer, and she managed to convince him to take her out somewhere the next day to 'catch up', then he drove to and parked outside Victor's house. It was late at night, and he was awake as he would be had he just been asleep for the past 24 hours. He needed no persuading when Victor invited him in, and he eagerly accepted the offer of beer without thinking about the consequences. As he sat down with Victor on the couch, he downed the last of his beer for courage and spoke up, something he wasn't used to doing. 'Victor, I didn't mean that earlier.' 'What?' Victor looked at him with a combination of surprise and confusion. 'What I said about us dating casually, I-' 'Yuri, it's fine. I know you feel the same as I do, you were just being cautious. I understand.' 'You do?' Now it was Yuri's turn to be surprised. In every situation similar to this he'd ever been in, any miscommunication was over lack of trust about somebody being honest with their feelings and whether they actually liked him back, or more often whether he liked them back. Most of the time, he didn't- or rather, not as much as he ought to. To have Victor know how he felt without having to say it was reassuring to say the least and told him that he was making the right decision here. 'I'm not ready for a committed relationship yet, and I don't know when I will be, but I want to be.' 'Then we'll take it at your pace and wait until you're comfortable.' 'And you won't get bored?' 'Of you? Of course not!' Victor wrapped an arm around him, pulling him close and resting his cheek on the top of his head. 'I told you before- I don't care how long I have to wait, because one day you'll be in love with me. I'll wait until the day I die.' 'You're getting into creepy territory there. We've been on six dates, we're not engaged.' 'That comes later.' Yuri groaned and rolled his eyes heavily, but grudgingly snuggled against Victor as his eyelids started drooping shut. 'Go to sleep, porosenok,' Victor stroked his hair, which was oddly comforting, and he could feel his breaths getting more and more shallow and his consciousness slipping away from him, despite being fully aware that he ought to be going home. No, he'd had too much to drink to drive anyway, as had Victor. He was stranded there. He could've walked, but it was dark and cold outside and deep down he really didn't want to get up because he was so cosy and comfortable that to move would cause great distress. Victor leaned his head against Yuri's, listening to his muted breathing and praying that he would stay forever, just asleep on his chest and his face softened and free of worry-lines. He felt so fortunate to have him in his life- he'd never before dated somebody who wasn't after his money, not since his agent had split him and his first boyfriend up after a month when he was 19. Since then, she'd controlled every aspect of his life, assigning him girlfriends who all had the same personality, just a slightly different face, and even then the variation was only brought about by mildly differing surgical techniques. They were always nice enough, but to begin with he wasn't interested in dating a woman and the most important factor was that they were all famous and dating him to increase their status rather than because of who he was. That was where he'd learnt to be the perfect partner; romantic, charming and endlessly cheerful but ready to be serious when time called for it. He'd had to, because he always had to be ready for the paparazzi to spring and write a stellar review on his boyfriend abilities. This was part of the reason he was holding onto Yuri so tight- he wasn't famous and as a result didn't have to announce to the world about them dating, so there was nobody waiting to pounce on anything he did wrong and his gestures didn't go passed off as faux charm for the publicity. He could, for the first time, actually enjoy making somebody else happy without them having ulterior motives. He felt a little guilty for comparing this to something as trivial as just having a choice and Yuri not wanting his money, because what it really came down to was who Yuri was. Not that he was an adorably klutzy individual who drove slower than a whale climbing a tree and had a caffeine addiction, although he cherished each of those things; it was a combination of everything- his afore mentioned quirks, his faults (though Victor had yet to discover what they were, and he had a sneaking suspicion that he classified them as positive aspects) and everything else that he was yet to discover, not to mention the parts he'd already seen. He had never thought like this about anybody before, and never had he felt this intensely about somebody before. 'Victor?' Yuri's voice was a little croaky from sleepiness. 'Yes?' He felt his heart jump and he shifted so that Yuri was lying across his lap staring up at him. 'Are you going to make me sleep here all night?' 'Wouldn't dream of it,' he smiled and helped him to his feet, guiding him along a corridor and lying him down in a bed. 'This isn't the same room I slept in before,' Yuri mumbled, tiredness amplifying his confusion. 'This is my room,' Victor told him, stroking his cheek and tucking the covers round him. 'It's so nice,' Yuri complained, bringing the duvet up to his chin. 'You're making me feel like I live in poverty.' Victor laughed as he unbuttoned his shirt, relieved to be able to undo the stiff collar. 'Oh, do you want to borrow some clothes?' 'I'm fine,' Yuri was a little uncomfortable in his jeans but at the same time he was too snug in his little nest to make any movement towards sorting that out. 'You can't sleep in your clothes,' Victor shook his head. 'Take them off.' 'Steady on!' 'Not like that, just so you can put others on.' He pulled a baggy sweater from his closet and handed it to him. 'No trousers?' Yuri was incredulous as he held it out. It looked expensive, dark navy (or so he thought- it was too dark to know exactly) and incredibly soft. 'It'll be really long on you. Stop fussing and put it on- it's late and you have things to do tomorrow.' 'Turn around,' Yuri muttered, furrowing his brows. Victor found it inextricably cute that Yuri was so timorous, and when he turned around he was glad that it hid his grin that he just couldn't rid his face of. When he turned back, Yuri was already in bed, but seeing him in his clothes was absolutely precious and made his heart glow. He pulled on a shirt and a pair of trackies before slipping into bed next to him, wrapping his arms round him and kissing his neck. 'Noo,' Yuri moaned, but didn't push him away. In fact, he rolled over and kissed him tenderly, allowing him to deepen it. Yuri could feel his heart going at a million miles an hour and his blood roaring in his ears like the ocean as he felt Victor's hands ruck up the sweater and run down his waist. 'Victor,' he gasped as his hands landed somewhere unexpected. He didn't complain, nor did he reject him. His stertorous breathing and appreciative mewls were answer enough to the question of consent. Victor thought his lungs might burst and his brain implode from the euphoric feeling hearing Yuri say his name like that gave him. He sucked sweetly on his neck, hoping that he wasn't leaving marks and if so that they weren't too noticeable. Yuri collapsed into his arms, tired from the exertion and from the general tiresome activities of the living, and Victor kissed the top of his head as he nestled into his chest. 'I'm really glad we got through the gradual process,' Yuri whispered as he closed his eyes. 'So am I.' 'And I promise that one day I'll be ready.' 'I know you will.'

 

_'This is one of the moments that will define Victor's image for the rest of his life, and I'm glad I can be a part of that, and I hope he isn't too angry that I get to steal some of his spotlight now.'_


	9. Chapter Nine: Propositions

Yuri picked his sister up late morning the next day, having come immediately from Victor dropping him home. He was still wearing the sweater he'd been lent, although not because he'd not had time to change out of it. It pained him to admit that he just really liked the idea of wearing Victor's clothes. He'd return it next time he saw him, which he found himself hoping, quite against his initial wishes, would be soon. Soon Hamilton would be over and Yuri would sort through the stream of paperwork that appeared like clockwork on his desk whenever he went in. He was so glad he had a job with flexible hours, or he didn't know how he would cope. It felt like he was constantly doing things, even if it never felt like he had something to do. For example, he felt obligated to spend some time with Clara because she had a lot of questions for him to avoid and he hadn't spoken to her properly the evening before, having been otherwise occupied by a certain someone.   
He took her to their favourite cafe, a coffee chain that he could always rely on to give him the kind of cheap, bitter coffee that he loved best and Clara a slightly damp Emmental toastie.   
'Is that his sweater?' She immediately asked as soon as they sat down. He'd forgotten that she was intuitive as a general rule and tended to spot the things most would fail to notice. 'Oh my god, you and Victor had s-'  
'No!' He cried, wishing she wouldn't just blurt things out like that without finding out the full story first. Yes, she was intuitive, but it meant she made huge leaps to the most abstract assumptions at times. 'God, no.'   
Well, things had happened, but they hadn't actually slept together. She looked strangely disappointed and he fought the urge to drown her in his coffee cup.   
'I just stayed at his last night,' he could see that her brain was still ticking over. 'To sleep. Because I was over the legal limit and so was he, so I couldn't get home.'   
'You really like him, don't you?'  
'Why do you think that?'  
'Because all your other boyfriends-'  
'He's not my boyfriend.'  
'-You tried to persuade me how much you loved them and you were always telling me you were in love with them.'  
'So?'  
'It was because you were trying to convince yourself rather than me. You never liked any of them, but with Victor you're trying to hide your feelings because you actually have some.' She bit into her toastie, not even looking at him. Observations like this were commonplace for her, and she was used to talking about her brother's love life with easy discretion. Maybe the promise of paid-for food had classically conditioned her to enjoy discussing his life, or chirpily dictating it at times. 'I'm glad. I think he's really nice, and you should see the way he looks at you.'   
'How does he look at me?'  
'Like an idiot from a film.'  
'He is an actor. He can do that whenever he wants. It's kind of weird that he can just act however he wants.'  
'Okay, no offence, but why would he bother? What would he stand to gain from seducing you?'  
'I haven't been seduced! Although that's my worry, that he just wants to get in my pants and run.'   
'I love you so much but you do know you're being really vain, right? He's a celebrity. He could sleep with anybody he wanted and you're good-looking enough but it's not like you're a Hollister model.'  
'Thanks.'  
'Welcome. But think about it- he literally has no need to take you on dates or come to my show or spend the night with you without doing anything if he just wants sex. If it was just physical, he'd have given up ages ago. That means it's you as a person he wants, so don't you dare deny he likes you.'  
'No, I know he does. I'm just being paranoid.'   
'Does he know how you feel?'  
'Of course not. You're only 15, you don't understand adult relationships yet, but you don't tell them you love them just because you do.'  
'Wait, do you love him?'  
'Maybe a little bit,' he shrugged. 'But I wouldn't say I'm in love with him.'  
'Is it not the same?'  
'Definitely not.' His phone buzzed, and he had to put the conversation on hold for a second as he read the notification.   
What are you doing tonight? Victor had sent him.   
'It's Victor, isn't it?' Clara sidled next to him, reading over his shoulder. 'Say you.'   
He elbowed her in the ribs, scandalised.   
Nothing x he sent instead, casting her a fixed glare.   
9pm, party, as many bottles of wine as you want. Sound okay? If the press is too much then dinner? The reply was almost immediate, which made him feel bubbly for some reason. He thought hard; was this going to be too much? He'd hated the feeling of being surrounded and the centre of attention last time, but the point still stood that he had Victor to help him cope. If he wanted an official relationship at some point, then he was going to have to get used to this publicity thing.   
I'd love to :) 

 

Yuri found that he was more anxious facing Victor's driving than going to the party. It was, Victor explained on the way there, a small house party (though his idea of 'small' was probably by degree a thousand people) that an old colleague was throwing and there hopefully wouldn't be much, if any, press, despite the likelihood that everybody there would be famous. He also mentioned that his agent, who through Yuri's mild googling he had discovered to be Yolanda Diaz, would be making an appearance and he would introduce him to her. Victor claimed she was particularly ruthless, although the media had nothing but praise to shower upon her.   
When they arrived, Yuri clung tightly to Victor's arm, but then remembered that he probably shouldn't compromise Victor's illusion of interest in women and forced himself to walk upright and keep his arms to himself. The party was nothing like the kind of party Yuri usually went to when he was of a right mind to go out and socialise; it was more of a soirée. Everybody was standing around sipping at cocktails and wearing fancy suits and evening gowns.   
'It will liven up soon,' Victor whispered in his ear, then people began milling around them. They all seemed very interested in Yuri, some even passing up Victor's easygoing charm to investigate this strange outsider he'd brought with him. There was one particular woman who didn't come over to say hello, instead staring at them from a distance as they eventually escaped the throng of people and could stand in a corner talking. Yuri didn't know who she was, but her acid gaze made him feel like he was under a microscope, and her expression reminded him of that which his cat he had as a child would get before pouncing on an unsuspecting butterfly.   
'Are you okay?' Victor put a hand on his cheek, leaning close and searching his eyes. Yuri startled and stumbled backwards.   
'Fine!' He stammered, his eyes flickering back to the woman.   
'You seem anxious...'  
'No. No, it's nothing.'  
'Okay. Then I'll introduce you to my agent. She's the scary woman over there,' Victor pointed to the woman who had been staring at them and Yuri wanted to cry. He was scared of her already, how could he handle being introduced to her? She started walking over, Victor having waved to her, and even when she walked she exuded confidence and professionalism.   
'Victor, darling,' they kissed cheeks and she hugged him. 'You're not supposed to bring people to parties without telling me. Especially people I don't know.'  
'This is Yuri Katsuki,' he linked an arm through Yuri's and pulled him forwards out of the shadows he'd been cowering in. Up close, she wasn't so scary because she was plastering on the charm, but it was all very superficial and she still had the aura of the devil wearing a pretty mask. 'And I am going to bring him to many parties.'  
'We'll see. Well, off you go! Let me talk to him.'  
Yuri gave Victor a last desperate glance, but he was met with a nonchalant shrug that said, what can I do? and with that, Victor slipped from his side to go join the festivities that were beginning to stir.   
'What's your relationship with Victor, Yuri Katsuki?' Yolanda said his name like it was a bad taste in her mouth.   
'Oh, umm...' he didn't know what to say to that. It was a little complicated.   
'Spare me the lies. I know he's gay and I'm not blind enough to think you're not dating, so I want to tell you it's a bad idea.'  
'What?' His eyes widened. 'Is it because I'm not famous?'  
'No.'  
'Then... Because I'm a man?' He couldn't believe that somebody would be saying this sort of thing, especially if she was supposed to be a professional and looking after Victor's best interests. Then again, this was the woman who chose who Victor's girlfriends were when she knew he was gay.   
'To put it plainly, yes. I have nothing against the idea, but if Victor were to date a man it would be bad publicity. The world may pretend to be a changed place, Yuri, but it's not. I don't want him to face harassment because he's a little sensitive sometimes to that kind of thing. You wouldn't want to put him though that, would you?'  
Yuri was left a little speechless and was only capable of forming single words but being unable to produce a sound to go with them. Was she right? She knew better than him, after all.   
'And another thing-' she began, and he braced himself, but thankfully Victor intervened at that moment to ask him to join the party, rescuing him from whatever else she had been about to say. 'I'll be going then, see you soon, Victor.' And with that, she left and Yuri breathed a sigh of relief. His anxious disposition didn't go unnoticed.   
'Did she upset you?' Victor looked concerned, his brows furrowed and his eyes worried.   
'A bit,' Yuri admitted. 'She wasn't mean, necessarily. She just doesn't support us being together.'  
'Of course she doesn't! She thinks it'll ruin my career to be gay, but I swear it won't. All press is good press, right? Anyway, I would face whatever terrible fate she's warned you of if it meant we could still go apple picking. Forget about her, come dance with me!'  
The party was really kicking off now, many more people having arrived and the music becoming more and more pounding and the volume steadily increasing. They made their way into the centre of the big dance pit and Victor started twirling Yuri around, both of them laughing and enjoying themselves immensely. It had been a long time since either of them had just messed around and been free to do as they pleased in such a frivolous way. Then came the slow song that Yuri had been dreading, because he knew Victor wouldn't want to dance in case people thought they looked a little too intimate. He was surprised, however, to feel hands on his waist pulling him in close. He laid his head against Victor's chest as they rocked slowly back and forth, everybody else too absorbed in their own dance partner to notice much. Yuri got the overwhelming urge to kiss Victor, but he couldn't because it was the wrong place and the wrong time. The place was something he could fix, though. He took his hand and led him away and down a shadow-cast corridor somewhere, alcohol fuelling his bravery. 

'What are you-?' Victor was cut off by Yuri kissing him, and he had to say he was pleasantly stunned. He hadn't instigated a kiss before, and this was a heated one that he could never have predicted to come from him. He rested his hands on Yuri's hips, slowly walking him backwards into a wall and pressing him against it, leaning into him. He felt how eagerly Yuri tugged at his shirt, hooking a leg round his hips and rolling his own against him. He gasped for breath, putting a hand on the thigh wrapped round him and gripping it tight. He felt all of this and he knew it was that kind of moment.   
'I know you want to wait until marriage for me to proposition you...' Victor's voice was low and velvety, pulling away for a second. 'But we could pretend to be married tonight.'  
The corners of Yuri's lips twitched into a bashful smile as he nodded, and Victor grinned back dazzlingly.   
'Let's go,' he growled, and Yuri chuckled at him.   
They stumbled out of a door somewhere and managed to find the car in the midst of at least a dozen others.   
'Leaving so soon?' Some man was outside with them all of a sudden, looking slightly peeved but definitely amused. 'I don't think Yolanda would be too impressed.'  
'Don't spoil my fun,' Victor whined, opening his car door and bundling Yuri inside. 'We're going back to mine.'  
'You look like you're about to eat him up. You're a predator, Victor.'  
'He's about my age!'  
'No difference.'  
Victor shook his head and climbed into the car. Somehow, his driving homeward bound seemed even scarier and faster than usual. Maybe it was because of the promise of what was to happen when he returned. He repeatedly asked Yuri if he was sure, if he was tired, if he was too drunk to be consenting and so on and so forth, but each time he was met with a withering reply and a little added shyness.   
They fell in the front door, already kissing again, and Victor couldn't keep all of Yuri's clothes on before they reached his room and dived onto the bed. It was going to be the kind of night Yuri would never be able to forget, regardless of how much he might end up wanting to. 

 

'His agent Yolanda, who I'm sure you all know, disliked the fact that we were together because I am, if you hadn't noticed, a man. It may come as a surprise to some of you that she is like that, but she is. She refused to come tonight as she doesn't agree with this, so I figure it's okay to out her as a bitch.'


	10. Chapter Ten: Amaze-ing

Yuri had always appeared to be an innocent and prudish individual, and usually he fulfilled this idea, but every now and then he suddenly became a dog in heat and many of his exes liked to accuse him of being a seducer when he was in that kind of mood. Whenever he woke up after one of those nights, he had to scramble to remember everything quickly and make sure that he'd been safe and everything had been gentlemanly. At least he hadn't been drunk the night before, so he had been thinking clearly aside from the fugue of passion and could trust that it hadn't been a mistake, even if it might complicate things a little. He was supposed to be taking it slowly and this would probably have confused Victor a little. He'd woken up alone, but there had been a note on the pillow next to him.   
'Emergency at work! Sorry to leave you, stay if you can and I'll be back in an hour x'  
He hadn't minded a little time to clear his head and sort through the events of the previous night over a mug of strong coffee. He could now establish that there was a sexual attraction between them as well as on an emotional level. It had been good to finally pay heed to that little bit of sexual tension that had been crackling like static between them since that first kiss. Now that they'd finally got it over and done with, he felt like things would be a little more relaxed between them and he wouldn't be fighting every urge he got. They'd learnt things about each other last night and it had all brought them closer, and added to that it had been glorious to see Victor's face creased up and no longer so expressionless. He blushed to think of his rapturous mien and distracted himself with finding some painkillers to relieve himself of his various aches. Suddenly hands grabbed him from behind and he jumped out of his skin, his heart slamming into his ribs at full speed and it was a wonder the collision didn't kill him.   
'How are you feeling?' Victor was murmuring in his ear as he tried his best not to turn around and slap him.   
'Don't scare me like that!' He scolded, but he couldn't stay frowning for long. 'I'm fine, anyway.'  
'Are you sure? Last night was a little... Rough.'  
'Really, I'm fine,' Yuri went red and wished he'd stop talking about it. 'Why are you wearing a scarf, anyway?' He queried, finally taking a moment to actually look at Victor. He was wearing a blue silk scarf, and although it was nice it was really too warm inside to be wearing it. Wait, had he..?  
'About that...' Victor slowly unraveled the scarf, revealing a scattering of purple marks on his neck.   
'Oh god, was that me?' Yuri inspected them, feeling a little anxious. Had he really done that? He did vaguely recall it, yes.   
'You're something of a tiger when you want to be,' Victor laughed it off easily. 'And I gave you your fair share.'  
'Huh?' Yuri hadn't seen any in the mirror.   
'They're in places nobody will see them.'   
'Oh Jesus- will yours be okay?' He'd never had hickies before because he'd never experienced anything as wild as the night before, so he didn't really know how to go about dealing with them, let alone concealing them.   
'Nothing a little bit of concealer and strategically placed scarves can't hide. It's not as if anybody will know who gave them to me.'  
Yuri felt like he'd all but carved his name into his skin. They'd been seen leaving the party together, and one person whose name and face he couldn't recollect, or maybe he didn't know, had definitely been aware of where they were going- namely, bed. Together. He had done 'it' with Victor.   
'Don't look so worried all the time!' Victor squeezed his cheek, much to Yuri's chagrin.   
'Do they hurt?' He prodded one, and Victor winced. 'They do.'   
He felt quite guilty for causing him pain, even if it had all been 'heat of the moment' kind of stuff. He'd still done it. Before he could fully comprehend what he was doing, he stretched up on his tiptoes and kissed each one in turn, allowing his lips to linger for a moment and feel the warm throbbing of his pulse. Dear god, but he wanted to make more... Leave his mark all over Victor's body so everybody knew who he belonged t- no way. He was getting into that mood again and soon he'd be doing something stupid. He had to stop himself from getting carried away. It didn't help when Victor's fingers brushed against his cheek then tilted his chin up to kiss him tenderly.    
'What can I do with you, Yuri Katsuki?' He sighed, stepping away. 'You enticing, coquettish idiot.'  
Yuri didn't appreciate being called an idiot, and he showed this by taking Victor's hand and holding it close to him.   
'What's the plan for today, then?' He knew Victor better than to assume there wasn't one.   
'Hampton Court.'  
Yuri pulled a face and Victor dropped his hand.   
'Not to do museum stuff. The maze!' He explained, his face lighting up with excitement.   
And so it was decided, they were going to the Hampton Court maze on a date. 

As seemed to be the habit by now, Yuri was less afraid of the date than he was Victor's driving. To do him some credit, he was starting to slow down a little and exact dangerous manoeuvres less after Yuri berating him time and time again for almost killing them.   
The maze had hedges that seemed sixty feet high to Yuri, who was a terrible judge of these kinds of things, and he wondered how they would ever find their way out once they got in and had wondered sufficiently far enough to be lost. Somehow, Victor made his way round easily and seemed to know what he was doing. Yuri didn't know if he was just using his acting skills to appear confident in where they were going, but he very much hoped not. The constant tunnels that looked exactly the same were starting to mess with his head.   
'This way!' Victor grabbed his hand suddenly and yanked him to the right, all but ripping his arm off.   
'How do you know?' Yuri cried in exasperation, suffering a little in the cold and afraid that they might perish in the subzero temperature. The authorities would be alerted to Victor's disappearance quickly and they'd find them huddled together for warmth in vain tucked in a hedge, forever preserved as ice cubes.   
'Have you ever been to Russia?'  
'No. That's not what I'm talking about, anyway.'  
'Ah, you don't know what it was like for me growing up in such an empty space in the mountains, everywhere looking the same. I had to walk everywhere, so I quickly developed a good sense of direction.'  
'You lived in the mountains?'  
'I had a very secluded childhood thanks to it. My mother was often sick, so we lived with my grandmother and she was very traditional. I had seven siblings, which made matters worse because I was constantly having to run around gathering them up from the furthest corners of the mountains and get them to school on time every morning.'  
'You went to school?'  
'Yuri,' Victor fixed him with an uncharacteristically dry stare. 'Of course I went to school. I lived in the mountains, not a cult. I had a job as well- I had three. With so many children and my mother too sick to work, my father did not earn enough to support us.'   
'Where are your siblings now?'  
'The girls, Natasja, Andrea and Petra, are all still at home because they're the youngest. The older boys, Dmitri and Vanya are all married and the youngest, Kolya, is also at home.'   
'That's only six.'  
'The eldest, Dima, died in a human rights protest.'  
'What? Oh god, I'm s-'  
'Don't say you're sorry. Please. It's my fault he was there, anyway, so I should be the sorry one.'  
Yuri looked at Victor and was stunned nearly into silence by the look on his face. He looked genuinely sad and because he never dropped his facade, seeing him like this was all the more heartbreaking.   
'What do you mean?' His voice came out at barely a whisper.   
'In Russia, the government is... I don't know the word. Zverksiy?' He looked thoughtful for a moment, and Yuri felt his pain deeply. It was always so frustrating when he knew the exact word he was looking for in his native language and yet he couldn't translate it. 'Brutal! That's it. Yes, they are very brutal. When I was fifteen, Dima found out I had a boyfriend and he knew that it was bad.'  
'Was he angry?'  
'With me? No. With the government, yes. There is no protection for us against discrimination; when we are harassed and abused, we get no protection. He wanted me to have a good, happy life, so he was always out protesting in Moscow and the big cities, then one day... Some people beat him up. They killed him.'   
Victor's face crumpled and Yuri immediately reached for his hand, reassuring him that while he couldn't do much, he'd do what he could.   
'It's not your fault,' he said quietly. 'He died for a good cause, too.'  
'I know. I'm sorry, this hasn't been cheerful at all. We're on a date, it should be fun!' His smile reappeared, as permanent a fixture as ever once more. Yuri couldn't understand why this made him feel so disappointed, but maybe it was because he'd finally been beginning to see the other, darker side of Victor. Everybody has one, so he wanted to see his. He had been on hand to comfort him and he had been rejected. Just like before so many times, he'd tried to reach out to Victor and appeal to his more emotional side, but the portcullis had come hurtling down again as soon as he got the idea it might be breached. It wasn't that he was emotionally unavailable per se, because he was perfect with regards to his positive outlook and all that, he just didn't seem at all in touch with his negative emotions. Yuri didn't just want all his happy moments; he wanted to be there for the bad ones too, but he wasn't being given that chance. He wasn't going to give up, though, because he was confident that he could get through to him. 

'Are we lost?' Yuri found he had to ask after they passed what he was sure was the same hedge he'd been seeing for twenty minutes.   
'Maybe a little bit...'  
'Are we ever getting out?' It was beginning to get dark and they must have been in there for hours, just drifting around talking and going in circles.   
'I have an idea,' Victor suddenly grabbed him round the waist and hoisted him up, so high that he could see above the hedges.   
'Jesus Christ!' Yuri yelled, shocked both by the sudden height and ensuing vertigo, and by how inhumanly strong Victor was.   
'Which way?' Victor's voice was strained from the effort.   
'Umm,' he swivelled his head around, trying to locate the exit. 'That way!' He pointed towards the direction they needed to go in.   
'Isn't this cheating?' He asked as Victor lowered him down, where he almost kissed the ground, having missed it from such a height.   
'Not if we don't tell anyone,' Victor chuckled, taking his hand and running fast, pulling him along behind him.   
When finally they escaped the dizzying hedges, they were out of breath from running and laughing so hard. Victor delighted in the way Yuri's cheeks were fuschia and his eyes were shining with merriment. It wasn't often he was this cheerful; usually he was far more reserved and shy. He'd come out of his shell recently, especially the night before, and he relished it infinitely. He slid an arm round his waist and held him near, much to his protestation.   
'What if somebody sees?' Yuri squeaked, looking everywhere in paranoia and seeing everybody as a reporter.   
'Would that be a problem?'   
'Your agent-'  
'Is an idiot,' Victor sighed and pulled him in for a lingering kiss, ignoring the hands grappling at his chest trying to push him away. When finally he did relent, Yuri was trying his hardest not to smile and somehow managing at the same time to look terrified. 'You are so cute!'   
He squeezed his cheek as he was often inclined to do, kissed him one more time, and began leading him back to the car. As they walked, he felt a warmth spreading through him despite the frost-laced winter air, which was unable to permeate the glow of happiness that enshrouded them. He knew then for sure that Yuri was the person for him; he could genuinely see them being happy together. He felt such a sense of peace in that moment that all life seemed a dream and this the one poignant moment of it he would remember when he awoke. It was like the still scene before the ending credits of a movie, the happy ending only fictional characters get. He'd acted in so many similar scenes, and yet this was the first one that was real. He wasn't pretending to be happy- it was all real and vibrant, and each colour seemed to be brighter than usual, every crystal of snow precisely defined. In fact, the whole world could've ended then and he wouldn't complain. 

'I'm so glad to see Victor's family here tonight, because he always told me about them with warmth, and I'm glad they can come to see this. It's important. Especially as his late brother, Dima, died so I could be here making this speech today.'


	11. Chapter Eleven: Maladie

Yuri didn't hear from Victor one day the next week, and where a few weeks ago he hadn't minded, he was now worried. These days without fail he woke up to the chime of a good morning text and couldn't fall asleep without a goodnight one. They were supposed to be going out for dinner that evening, but since he hadn't heard from him in almost 24 hours he didn't know whether their plans were still on.   
'Man up and call him,' Lara leaned over his shoulder. 'You've been staring at your phone all day.'  
He smiled at thanked her, having needed that extra push of courage to do it. It went through to voicemail, but just as he was about to speak Victor picked up.   
'Hi,' his voice was low and croaky and he didn't sound at all well. 'Who is it?'  
'Yuri,' this made his heart all jumbly. 'Are you okay? You haven't been returning my messages and I know it's really clingy to call, but I was worried and-'  
'Yuri, Yuri, it's fine!' Victor assured him. 'Is it okay if I take a rain check on tonight? I feel awful.'  
'Of course,' Yuri couldn't keep the anxious undertones from his voice. 'Do you need anything?'  
'I'll be fine-'  
'Are you sure?'  
'Yes, I-'  
'What's actually wrong?'  
'You don't want to know.'  
'Victor,' Yuri took a firm tone, which apparently surprised Victor into honesty.   
'I only woke up half an hour ago and since then I've thrown up four times. I think it's a virus or something... I would push through it, but I don't want you to catch it.'  
'Don't be stupid,' Yuri chided, coming off a little harsher than he intended, but he ran with it anyway. 'If you're feeling ill, don't be worrying about me and whether we have plans, concentrate on getting better. I'll see you in half an hour, okay?'  
'What?'  
'You think I'm leaving you alone when you're that sick?'  
'No, you'll catch it!'  
'I don't care. I'm coming and you're too ill to stop me.' 

Victor was even paler than usual when he answered the door, but Yuri was nonetheless struck by how good-looking he was as ever. He was wearing only a pair of designer trackies, his toned chest revealed in all its muscular glory. Suddenly there was a snap from behind them and Yuri whipped round to see some kid with a phone, her face bright red.   
'Jesus Christ,' he growled, dashing inside and slamming the door behind himself. 'Do your fans camp outside your house?'  
'Not many know I'm here,' Victor shook his head. 'The press do. The odd person will recognise the place, so I get one or two.' He swayed precariously on his feet and Yuri darted forwards, dropping his bag quickly to the ground so he could hold Victor up just long enough to help him stumble to his bed. He drew the covers up around him, bending down to kiss his forehead and wincing when he felt how hot it was.   
'You wait there,' he patted his cheek.   
'I'm not exactly going anywhere,' Victor grumbled, the frustration evident in his visage. Yuri returned with a cold compress and a glass of water. He sat on the bed and put the compress on his forehead, stroking his hair and intermittently passing him the glass of water and rubbing his back when he sat up to drink it. When his forehead no longer felt fiery, he told him to get some rest and left him to sleep for a while.   
Yuri decided that as he slept, he would deal with the pile of dishes on the side of the sink, because he had nothing better to do and may as well make himself useful while he was there. As he was stood there scrubbing plates, he looked around the kitchen. Just like the rest of the house, there were no pictures or anything to suggest who Victor was and what his life was like. He often wondered what kind of life Victor led when he wasn't around. Did he have friends over, go shopping like normal people? Or did he have to hide away because he was famous? He was often pictured in magazines hanging out with other famous people, but did he not have any normal friends other than Yuri? It made a huge difference as to who he was if so. Constantly being surrounded by people who also constructed superficial lives to impress others would just force him to put on a front like everyone else, and the press were so quick to judge and fast to pounce on any perceived imperfection that to show any kind of flaw could be fatal, so was it really any wonder that he never showed negative emotion? His bitch of an agent most likely wasn't helping matters either. He hears footsteps behind him and dropped the plate in the sink, his hands flying to his chest.   
'I crept up on you again, sorry,' Victor looked a little less green. 'Why is it that you scare so easily?'  
'I'm a nervous person,' Yuri thought it was obvious enough.   
'Okay, but you jump at everything that moves. That's not just a personality thing, is it?'  
'Uh, when I was younger I had hearing problems so I could never hear people walking up to me, meaning I was always shocked when they were suddenly just there. I guess it just stuck.'   
'Can you hear now?'  
'All fixed. How are you feeling?' He picked the plate back up and started scouring it once more.   
'Better. You don't have to do that.'  
'I know. I just wanted to do something.'  
'Can't you just come and sleep with me?'  
Yuri dropped the plate again.   
'No!' Victor rolled his eyes, getting a huge sense of deja vu. 'Just come lie with me.'  
'You only had to say it like that...'  
'I was hoping I'd get lucky.'  
Yuri smiled at this, no longer so scandalised by these jokes. After all, he had slept with him, and it had actually been great.   
He let Victor drag him into his bed and curled up against him, resting his head on his stomach.  
'Yuri?' Victor tapped him on the shoulder.   
'Yeah?'  
'Let's go to Japan together this weekend.'  
'Sure,' Yuri knew that he was sick and slightly delusional and he would soon forget all about this. It wasn't as if they could just jet off to Tokyo for the weekend as if it were a date. 

 

'Yuri, we're going to Tokyo this weekend,' Victor told him two days later. They were sat in a restaurant as their postponed date from when he'd been sick. He'd gotten over it pretty quickly considering how ill he'd been.   
'Very funny,' Yuri said drily. 'I didn't think you'd remember that.'  
'No, really. I forgot to explain it, but I have a big publicity thing there and I want you to come with me. It's only Saturday to Sunday.'   
'You are not taking me to Tokyo.'  
'Are you busy?'  
'Yes.'  
'Are you really?'  
'Completely.'  
'I already booked the tickets...'  
'You are unbelievable.'  
'Why don't you want to?'  
'Because that's way too expensive and you spend way too much on me as it is.'  
'I don't spend much money on you,' Victor couldn't understand why he'd even suggest that. He'd been conservative about buying him gifts from the start to avoid attracting attention. If he'd been somebody famous, he probably would have bought him a car by now.   
'My entire fridge is full of the wine you buy me. You always end up paying for dinner, even when I insist that I do. Not to mention the expensive flowers you always buy me!'  
'Is that a problem?'  
'Yes!'  
'Why?'  
'Because- because, I don't know, it's just... I feel spoiled and I feel like I'm not making as much effort.'  
'Oh. I didn't realise you might feel like that. I always dated people before who were after my money, so they hated me if I didn't get them enough presents. I suppose I'm just a bit insecure, so I'm really sorry.'  
'Apology accepted. I'll go to Tokyo with you, but only if you let me pay for dinner.'  
'But-'  
'Tokyo or not?'  
'Fine.'

 

They left painfully early on Saturday morning, Yuri having stayed over the night before for convenience. He'd stayed in the spare room to avoid distractions keeping them up and leaving them exhausted the next day. What Victor had failed to mention to him was that they were not taking a normal passenger plane but a private jet.   
'I can't believe you,' he groaned when he saw it through the blacked out windows of the chauffeured car at the airfield. 'You didn't need to book that!'  
'I didn't think you'd come otherwise,'   
The chauffeur opened the door for them with such grandeur that Yuri could hardly bear to get out the car due to the guilt he got for not opening his own door. They walked hand in hand to the plane, the hand-holding thing now much more casual and Yuri wasn't afraid of being spotted anymore. They hadn't explicitly discussed coming out yet, and it seemed like the kind of thing that would only need doing once they made it official. Weirdly, he was staring to look forward to that- not the publicity surrounding it and especially not the inevitably negative press they would get from more right-wing journalists and fans, but the idea of introducing him as his boyfriend and delighting in the jealous glares and envious glances on the street, not having to give the whole awkward 'we're just casually dating' spiel to people who assumed they were in a serious relationship, but most of all just having Victor exclusively and officially his own. He didn't know the exact point where he'd decided he was finally ready, but it had come somewhere between sleeping together and being comfortable enough to take care of him when he was sick. He knew he ought to say something but it might come across as a little odd to suddenly announce 'I'm ready' and expect an official relationship. He was leaving it up to Victor, even though Victor was probably waiting for him to be the first to bring it up again.   
He was tired from the early start and long car journey, so being on such a luxurious plane was nice because he had room to stretch his legs out for a while before Victor pulled him onto his lap and cuddled him until he fell asleep on him. By the time he woke up, the plane had touched down and they were sat on a runway somewhere. To add to the ridiculousness of Victor's expenses, they were driven in a private car to the 5-star hotel, where they were greeted cheerfully by the receptionists, who spoke English to them as that was the language Yuri and Victor spoke to each other as they stood in the lobby with their bags. Hearing his home language and being able to talk in it was like a breath of fresh air to Yuri. They were a little less strained when he greeted them in Japanese and spoke with them at length about the hotel, mostly because he was just glad to be able to speak his first language to somebody without an incomprehensible accent.   
'That is the cutest thing,' Victor smiled affectionately at him as he swiped the key card and entered their room, and Yuri was stunned into silence by how beautiful it was. There was a luscious king-sized bed in the middle with chocolates on both pillows, a meticulously cleaned ensuite, dark mahogany wardrobes, and a huge window giving them a view of the city.   
'It's a beautiful place,' Victor remarked appreciatively as he looked out of it.   
'I know. I've missed being here.'  
'And look at the bed!'  
It suddenly settled in that Victor obviously had intended from the beginning that they would be sharing a bed. It was early afternoon and they didn't have to be at the event until late evening, so they needed something to entertain them for a few hours.   
'Let's try it out,' Yuri smirked, unable to escape the hands almost instantaneously pinning him to it, holding his arms above his head as Victor kissed him, then his jawline and proceeded down his stomach and it got considerably less appropriate from thereonwards. 

 

'You know, thanks to Victor I ended up really spoilt. He bought me so many things and once he even flew me to Tokyo! It was meant to be a romantic affair, sure, but it was so expensive. No wonder I had to be the one making the speech today.'


	12. Chapter Twelve: Shitstorm

'Gomennasai,' Yuri apologised to the receptionist, shooting glares at Victor, who was too busy chatting up some woman on the street outside, who was fawning over him even though he couldn't speak a word of Japanese. Why couldn't he have done this? He could just act like it was normal and nothing had happened! Yuri was red in the face and he could feel his cheeks burning up because of what he was being forced to say. 'I, uhh, we- the headboard for our- the bed is broken.'   
He saw a flicker of amusement pass behind the mask of professionalism, and she told him not to worry about it and that it would be fixed within the hour. He thanked her profusely before tearing Victor away from a small crowd of fans who had gathered outside the building and were taking selfies with him. Most of them probably didn't know who he was but after one person recognised him it became chaos very quickly. The car was idling on the kerb, and as they slid in it drove smoothly away, the driver already having received instructions previous to their arrival. Yolanda had planned the trip, apparently, although Yuri highly doubted she had anticipated that he would be a part of it. He hadn't seen her since the party and he was silently praying that she wouldn't be there tonight. It was a gala for an actor's guild, so a lot more prestigious than anything they'd been to before, and Victor had bought Yuri an Armani suit for it as was becoming increasingly typical of him.   
Yuri was worried about the event, but then he was always worried about everything so he couldn't complain, and he had Victor with him so it wouldn't be too bad. He never went to such important places to do such interesting things so he wasn't entirely certain what the etiquette was. Whatever it was, he needn't to worry because standing next to somebody like Victor Nikiforov meant he would pale very quickly in comparison and be able to shrink back into the shadows behind his limelight.   
As it turned out, he had no hope of this because the second they walked into the large room in a hotel it was taking place in all eyes turned to them, looking intrigued and shocked. He could see the whisper go up around the room and even Victor seemed taken off guard by the attention their entrance brought.   
'Is it just me,' Victor ducked down to whisper in his ear. 'Or did the atmosphere just get really intense?'  
They didn't have to wait long before the reason was revealed to them because Yolanda was storming over, a hurricane of barely contained fury.   
'Why didn't you pick up your phone?' She fumed, her grey eyes blazing with an unprecedented ire. 'I called you ten times!'  
'I was busy,' Victor said vaguely, and Yuri had to bite his lip so as not to laugh.   
'Haven't you seen what's been brewing while you've been doing whatever you want?'   
'I have no idea what you're talking about. As far as I know, I'm not involved in any money laundering scandals or prostitute rings.'  
'Explain this to me,' she brandished her phone, and on the screen was a picture of Victor topless and Yuri on his doorstep standing far too close and looking a bit too bashful for it to appear entirely platonic.   
'I can't,' Victor looked troubled, and this in turn made Yuri's stomach turn. He'd expected that in this kind of situation Victor be able to laugh it off and he'd be okay with it because he had explicitly said he didn't care about whether anybody knew he was gay and the only reason he hadn't come out was because he was waiting for the right person to do it with. Unless... Yuri wasn't the right person? Maybe over the past few days he'd realised he didn't want an official relationship and this was why he hadn't mentioned it lately. It wasn't necessarily his job to be the one steering everything, but Yuri had come to rely on that so he never had to be the one to take the next step. Was that lazy of him? He didn't know, but he still felt a little like Victor didn't want him, even though just hours before he'd been clinging to him and telling him how incredible he was and so on, even breaking a headboard in the excess of emotion and sensation. That had not been their best moment. Could he really believe that Victor, who had so relentlessly pursued him and at the same time respected every boundary, didn't want him? He couldn't believe he was being so paranoid- he'd flown him to Tokyo! Why would he do that if he didn't like him? Was he really being this much like a child? There had to be a solid reason for his hesitance. He had faith in him that there was.   
'Yuri, don't worry, I'll sort this all out,' Victor put a comforting hand on his elbow, his smile returning quickly. 'It'll be fine.'  
That was it; he was worried that Yuri was afraid of this. He was embarrassed that he'd doubted him for even half a second. He was thinking only of Yuri's feelings.   
'I don't mind,' Yuri linked arms with him decisively. 'If you don't mind, I don't mind.'  
'You can't be that close to each other,' Yolanda took Victor's arm firmly and prised them apart, giving both of them an admonishing look. 'I think the best course of action is to say you're friends and that picture was taken at a strange angle.'   
Yuri expected Victor to object since he'd been defiant about her wishes last time they'd met (albeit not to her face), but instead he agreed to execute her plan to save face. They moved round the room and made polite conversation, making sure to explain the picture to the people Victor deemed as gossips. Soon nobody was fussed, instead for some reason again fascinated by Yuri.   
'Why does everyone always want to talk to me more than you?' He turned to Victor when they went to get a drink from the bar, the only moment to themselves they were likely to have at that rate.   
'Because you're with me,' he said, no hint of joking about it.   
'Not the merits of my personality, then.'  
'I never bring people to parties. Not normal people, anyway. I've always had to bring celebrities and everyone's known it's a publicity stint. With you, they're curious because they're trying to gauge our relationship and why I would be friends or more than friends with you.'   
Yuri pouted and stirred the fruity cocktail Victor had ordered him, a little bit miffed with the answer.   
'Also, you're obviously the best looking person in the room,' Victor smirked, flirting with him.   
'Sure.'  
'Though I prefer you naked.'  
'Of course you do,' Yuri sipped at his drink, deciding he needed the alcohol to get him through the night. 'How early is too early to leave?'  
'I'd leave now if you wanted to, but I've pissed off Yolanda enough so I'm going to say another hour or so.'  
'What if I said I didn't mind breaking another headboard?'  
'Get up.'   
Yuri laughed and stirred his drink more, hoping he would realise he was joking before they genuinely ended up leaving. He didn't want to piss off Yolanda any more than Victor did and he was willing to bet he was the most scared of her.   
'Compromise?' Victor edged closer to him.   
'I don't trust you with compromises,' Yuri edged further away.   
'You make mean jokes and get my hopes up, but I wouldn't dare take you up on it, even though you want to get out. What I'm suggesting is ten minutes in that coat room over there to collect our thoughts.'  
'And if somebody walks in? It's not exactly going to help with the picture scandal.'  
'It's not a scandal. Are you saying you don't want to?'  
'I just feel like we spend all of our time together doing that kind of stuff.'  
'Really? We've slept together twice in what, three, four months? We don't spend any time doing that kind of stuff.'  
Yuri pursed his lips and downed the last dregs of his cocktail for courage, then walked with Victor to the coat room, slipping inside and hoping nobody saw them. He turned around and shut the door, fretting over the lack of a lock, but he didn't have long to do this because Victor's mouth was on his neck, nibbling at the base of his throat. He mewled as Victor's hands went to his waist and slowly spun him around, untucking his shirt to slide underneath it. He shivered, but not from the cold; he was actually baking in his suit and wanted nothing more than to take it off, which he didn't even need to do himself because already Victor was peeling off his jacket and tossing it aside, caring very little for it because to him it was just a cheap one-time wear. Yuri wished he'd kept it on so he could jump away quickly should anybody walk in unexpectedly, but there was no use in wishing for anything because it made no difference. Instead, he grabbed Victor's tie and pulled him forwards, evoking a sharp intake of surprised breath. Victor moaned softly and his hands went to the small of his back, walking him backwards to the wall. That was what should have happened anyway, but Yuri was so clumsy that he managed to trip over his own feet and go crashing to the floor, bringing Victor sprawling beside him. After a moment of shocked silence and staring at Victor in disbelief, he creased up and felt his heart lift and the passionate haze part. He hauled himself up from the ground, dusting himself off and putting his suit back together. Victor straightened his hair out for him, kissed the top of it and they sneaked back out into a small crowd of people. They got a few accusatory glances, and a stare from Yolanda, but that was to be expected from her anyway. Yuri was beginning to believe it was her resting facial expression.   
Apparently the more prominent faces of the room were making speeches, which meant attention had been diverted from them when they returned. Not for long though, because Victor was drafted in and forced up onto the stage, and Yuri was scared for him because he didn't have anything prepared as far as he knew. His fear was unnecessary, as Victor was, when it came down to it, a professional at impromptu speeches.   
'To start off, I'd like to apologise for missing the last party. I was, in fact, with that man over there because he wanted to go on a ghost tour.'  
Yuri blushed, feeling guilty that he'd been the sole reason he'd missed that, even though he had known nothing about it.   
'I think it helped huge amounts with my acting in the end, because I had to be the confident one and pretend the chainsaw massacrer wasn't terrifying. So to that effect, here's to friendship.' Everyone clapped politely and clinked their glasses together, including Yuri in their toast and smiling at him like they were in on the joke. Right, these people were all actors, he remembered and felt a little bristled.   
'I can't make too long a speech because you all know I can't stay anywhere for too long, and I have a plane home to catch, but I will say that I'm very thankful for everything this guild has done for me. I get to go to the RFA parties, I get good contacts and I've made friendships that I know will last a lifetime. It's been a great few years and I am looking forward to the next hundred.'   
Everyone applauded raucously, even though he'd spoken for just under a minute and barely said a thing. His smile was just so enchanting and infectious that everybody was enthralled by his speech. Even though they were all actors and actresses too, he outshone each one with his brilliance. The difference, Yuri realised, was his charm and eagerness to please, was genuine and not just to get people on his side. It had thrown him at first and he'd originally have lumped him in with the rest of them, but it was so unrelenting that it could be nothing but real.   
'You mentioned something about headboard breaking,' Victor was by his side, muttering in his ear. Yuri jumped and darted sideways, not wanting people to see how close they were.   
'I think twice might be a little suspicious,' he retorted, a little too harsh from the shock of being surprised like that.   
'Oh, if you don't want to, we won't,' Victor immediately stepped away, making sure to respect his boundaries and that there was a time and a place, now seemingly not being the time.   
'It's not that,' Yuri fumbled with his hands awkwardly in the most adorable way and it took everything Victor had not to take them in his own or kiss him or do something. 'I didn't mean to snap, I'm sorry. I guess I'm just hungry.'   
'Then we can go somewhere else for food. It's good here, but I'd rather eat without these people around and in a different place to Yolanda,' he gave her the side-eye.   
Yuri agreed and they said their goodbyes, everybody sad to see them go but Victor promised to keep in touch with all of them. They walked down the busy street together in comfortable silence, and Yuri chose a small restaurant tucked in an alleyway. He had to order for Victor, and they both got katsudon again because it seemed only natural in regards to their second (or third, in Victor's mind) date.   
They discussed what it was like growing up in Japan, and what it was like moving from one country to another and having to learn a new culture and language. Victor was of the opinion that language was harder, but Yuri had come from a very different culture so he'd found that harder, especially as he'd known fair English when he'd come over. He'd also had to face racism, which still followed him around, much to Victor's disgust. Victorfaced xenophobia of course, but it just wasn't on the same level. They continued discussing this topic and ones similar to it as they walked down through the alleyway, deciding that it was the quickest way back to the hotel. All of a sudden, a hand was on Yuri's arm, wrenching him to the side. At first he thought it was Victor and he expected a kiss or something and was about to complain when he realised he'd been tugged to the wrong side.   
'Saifu,' the attacker growled into his ear, and he cowered away in fear. He fumbled in his coat pockets for his wallet, but he was so panicked he dropped it. The attacker became irate and jerked him about, trying to rip his jacket off and search it themselves.   
'Hey, what are you doing?' Victor had found the doorway he'd been pulled into by now, and his eyes were icy cold and blazing like the deepest pits of hell.   
'It's okay!' Yuri squawked, not wanting Victor to get hurt. His accoster was still searching his pockets, gripping him hard. Apparently he found what he was looking for because he began to dart off, but he was too slow and realised this when Victor grabbed him by the collar and lifted him off his feet, slamming him into the wall.   
'Ty che, blyad?' He hissed, and Yuri had never seen him look so terrifying in all the time he'd known him. 'Schas po ebalu poluchish, suka, blyad!'   
'Victor, Victor, it's fine,' Yuri put a hand on his shoulder, but he was shrugged away. 'Victor, stop!'  
Victor dropped them immediately, allowing them to escape, but not before landing a punch to the side of their head. He looked absolutely furious.   
'Eto piz 'dets,' he muttered angrily to himself, his fists clenched and jaw grinding. 'Are you okay?' His expression softened the second he turned to Yuri as he immediately became the concerned and caring person he usually was.   
'You looked like you were about to kill him,' Yuri shuddered.   
'I could have. I figured it'd scare you off, though. But I won't let anybody lay their damn hands on you like that if you don't want it. I could never even think of somebody hurting you, and seeing that was horrible.'  
'You're quite the thug.'  
'I grew up in Russia. That's one of the first things I learnt. Are you really okay?'  
Yuri had to admit, he was really shaken up by the whole event, but when Victor wrapped his long arms around him he calmed down quickly and was able to once more regulate his breathing.   
'Thank you for that.'  
'It's nothing. I'd face a pack of wild tigers for you, Yuri.' 

'I'm amazed to see how many people have turned up today, because when the news got out there was so much shock and I know that many people think today is too soon to be doing this, but I couldn't wait any longer.'


	13. Chapter Thirteen: A Brief Pause

When Yuri and Victor got back to London from Tokyo, it was 5am and neither felt tired thanks to jet-lag. They decided to drop their bags at Victor's and go do something 'spontaneous', as Victor put it. He didn't often get to just walk round the middle of London without being asked for a picture or autograph by somebody, but since it was so late the streets were eerily silent as they walked down them. St Mary Abbots Church came into view, and Victor pointed at it.   
'Why don't we go in there?' He suggested, and Yuri gave him a queasy look.   
'It's locked,' he shifted his gaze to the heavy doors. 'We can't get in.'  
'Watch and learn,' Victor grinned and knelt down in front of it. He pulled a safety pin, or maybe a paper clip- whatever it was, it was some metal object- from his pocket and fiddled around with the lock for a while until it clicked loudly and Yuri startled. 'Told you I was a thug.'   
Yuri snorted and watched on as Victor slowly pushed the door open, casting light on the pews and the dust motes rising from them. It was a little sinister to see the pews so void of people, the altar without a vicar, as if the world had ceased to spin and they were trapped in a snapshot of time. Yuri reached for Victor's hand, holding it tight as he was dragged down the aisle. He didn't really know what they were supposed to be doing there, but they ended up in front of the altar, face to face.   
'Yuri Katsuki, do you promise to take me, Victor Nikiforov, as your loyal wedded boyfriend?'   
Yuri flinched at the word, but then he felt an odd sense of warmth spread through him and he couldn't help but smile a stupidly wide smile.   
'I-I do.'   
'You have to do it for me, too, or it doesn't count. This is a two way system.'  
'Then Victor Nikiforov, do you promise to take me, Katsuki Yuri, as your loyal wedded boyfriend?'  
'I suppose so.'   
'That doesn't sound very committed.'  
'I absolutely bloody do.'   
'Better. What about vows?'  
'Vows?'   
'Well you jumped the gun a bit there with that. We haven't taken our vows.'   
'Good call! Do you swear to occasionallyrespect and to honour me, to care for me in sickness and in health, to climb trees with me, to kiss me in Berkeley Square, to cheat mazes with me until death do we part?'  
'Death? That's quite a long time, Victor.'  
'Is it, though?'  
Yuri scoffed and shoved him playfully, but then he forced himself to straighten his face and formulate a reply. Victor was incredible at this only because he had expertise in acting, he reminded himself. There was no pressure to do it well and nobody around to laugh at anything cheesy he said.   
'Then I vow to do all of that until one of us dies. It'll probably be you, given the way you drive. Do you swear to slow down at traffic lights, to buy me countless more bottles of wine, to force me to stay in your bed, to do unspeakable things to me in a hotel room?'   
Victor chuckled and stroked his cheek gently, brushing his thumb over his lips.   
'I do.'

 

'The church we held the service in today is one we actually visited together when we went on a really long drive, and he loved it so much that we couldn't do this in any other place. We made some vows back then, and so we make vows here today. Vows to help each other, vows to love each other, vows to console each other and above all to share love with each other.'


	14. Chapter Fourteen: Mouse In A Box

When Yuri woke up that afternoon, he was glad to be in his own bed once more, even if he was sharing it with a certain Russian blond bombshell. He squirmed out from his dutiful position as little spoon so that he could put on some clothes and make breakfast, or lunch, depending on how you looked at it. He decided on noodles because he had nothing else left in his cupboard, and sometimes it was okay to defer to stereotypes because noodles were his favourite food alongside Katsudon. It didn't take him long thanks to years of practice and special training from his mother, and within the hour he had it all prepared and laid out on the table.   
When Victor woke up he was glad that the first thing he saw was a pair of brown eyes staring back at him, the first thing he felt was arms around him and a forehead touching his, and that the wondrous smell of food was filling his nostrils.   
'Did you make food?' His eyes lit up, and Yuri looked a little embarrassed.   
'Yeah, but it's probably cold. I came to wake you up an hour ago but you just looked so peaceful that I couldn't bear to wake you, and I just lay here until now because I couldn't drag myself away.'  
'That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard in my life,' Victor cooed before kissing him softly and then sitting up, stretching his arms over his head, allowing Yuri to enjoy the rippling of his muscles- he knew exactly what he was doing. He proceeded to make his way to the kitchen, yawning a few times and running his hands through his tangled hair, knotted from being pulled and fingers threading though it. He sat down and started eating, barely able to keep his eyes open past the first mouthful because he was so tired and the food was so good. It helped a little when Yuri was sat in front of him, because he hated to close his eyes and miss any moment of him being there. Seeing him with dark circles under his eyes and his hair all missed and tatty and just not looking his best by any measure was actually rather endearing and made him feel all buzzy because he still thought Yuri looked incredibly hot like that. He didn't want to be so possessive about it, but Yuri was his now after everything that had happened in the church. This man with his fear of jumpscares, with his total lack of direction, with his propensity for nervous drinking, with his frankly incredible ability to suddenly become Christian Grey; this man was his.   
'If you keep staring at me like that I'm going to call the police,' Yuri grumbled, never much of a morning person.   
'And say what? My boyfriend is looking at me, please tell him to stop?' Victor duly noted that Yuri didn't even hesitate at the word boyfriend. It was easy to tell with him whether he was comfortable with something because he was such an open book, and Victor was an expert at reading people because the ones he worked with were very difficult to do so with.   
'I'll tell them I've been stalked and kidnapped by some crazy celebrity.'   
'What if I hold you hostage at gunpoint?'  
'This is all assuming you know how to shoot a gun.'  
'I'm a thug, Yuri.'   
'Ah, I forgot that. It's pretty suspicious that you can afford all this, I think it must be bloody money.'  
'You're right. I run a cartel.'  
'And how do you smuggle the drugs?'  
'I'm famous. I can take a private jet.'  
'They still search you.'   
'Do I look like I could smuggle drugs internationally?'  
'No. You look more like you're in the prostitute business.'  
'I'm going to choose to be flattered,' Victor arched an eyebrow and stood up to put his plate in the sink. 'You look like you could be an errands boy.'   
Yuri grabbed a dishcloth and smacked him with it, incurring a playful battle which resulted in a passionate kiss and then Yuri having the final word by biting his lip hard and laughing at him.   
'You win!' Victor giggled, throwing his hands up and backing away in mock surrender.   
'I always do. Hey, what's the date?' Yuri frowned, realising he'd lost track of time over the past few weeks. He knew it was the run up to christmas, but not how close they were. He'd done most of his shopping, but he was yet to buy anything for Victor and he was supposed to be flying home on Christmas Eve with his sisters to see his mother.   
'The 23rd of December,' Victor informed him after checking his phone.   
'Crap. The shops will be shut now,' When Yuri caught Victor's bemused expression, he went on to explain: 'I haven't bought you a Christmas present yet!'  
'Oh, in Russia we don't really celebrate christmas. Or birthdays, for that matter.'  
'Really? Isn't that really boring?'  
'They're both on the same day for me, actually. I only miss one day of celebration.'  
'Hang on, it's your birthday too? Now I have to get you two!' Yuri cried in exasperation. 'You should really tell me these things. We celebrated my birthday together.'   
'Really, there's nothing I want more than you.'   
'I can't do that, I have to fly home tomorrow.'  
'Then... I have you for today. Or what's left of it.'   
'Am I to be your present?'  
'You'll do. And I can spend my time with you as I wish?'  
'I suppose.'   
'Then I want to give you a present, if you'll come with me to my house. I didn't realise you'd be jetting off to Japan.'   
'If it's a broken headboard, I swear to god...'

 

Victor had never had a proper christmas. Occasionally he and his siblings would make their own merriment, finding things from around the garden and wrapping them up in old newspapers, then they'd sit under a tree in the forest and pretend it was a christmas tree. There they would open their presents and pretend to be delighted with their pinecones and lumps of coal. Occasionally, Dmitri and Vanya would play a cruel trick on their sisters and put a mouse in a matchbox and give it to them so that it leapt out at them when they opened the paper. When this happened, Dima would be the one to discipline them by barring them from the festivities. It had been a simple time when they were all young and had very little to give- it had taught them that it is not the gift that matters, but the intention behind it. Even after the girls received a squirming mouse, they would be given a beautifully sculpted block of ice or a woollen scarf if one of the brothers was feeling especially generous that year. Those christmasses were a long time ago now and any time spent with his family was few and far between. There would never be another like them, and there never could be, because how could they be a complete family without the eldest brother? He still spoke with his family every now and then, although he wasn't on speaking terms with Dmitri because he was still angry about Victor leaving them. He always had been the troublemaker of the family, and he'd never gotten over the death of Dima because he'd always been the one to discipline him fairly and justly, unlike their grandmother who would just take a switch to any child that misbehaved. Misbehaviour could be anything from squabbling to having dirty shoes. It was thanks to this that Victor never fought with anybody if he could help it and it was how he'd picked up his ruthless tidying. He wouldn't have traded his babushka for anyone in the world, though, because she had practically raised them and instilled in them a sense of honour and decorum that he would never lose sight of. She'd died a few years ago at the ripe old age of 102, despite being a chain smoker and drinking more Russian vodka than water. She'd taken frequent walks in the mountains to keep herself active, and it was to that she had attributed her fine health. Victor missed her, and he missed the winter days with his family, despite having no electric heating, and he wished he could have just one more day like that, but he was a different person now. Now he was celebrating a real Christmas with somebody who meant just as much to him in a house that was four times the size of his childhood home, one that had central heating and flatscreen TVs and was in the capital of a country so far from his own. It might have been quite sad looking back so nostalgically and thinking about how much he had enjoyed childhood, but the reality was there had been very few good moments like that. It had been hard in the winter- his mother's sickness would worsen dramatically, he and Dima would be the ones to look after all the children when their grandmother had to work and they both had multiple jobs themselves. Even then they barely made ends meet and often had to sell valuable family heirlooms that had been passed down through generations. No, it certainly hadn't been the golden days of his youth, but it was the hardest times that had motivated him to get up and get out into the world, and now he couldn't deny he was doing well for himself. He wondered what life might have been like had he stayed at home and been a better brother. He would get to see his sisters every day and his brothers would visit often with their wives and children- his nieces and nephews whose names he could barely recall and whose faces he could only remind himself of with pictures- and most of all, he wouldn't have to hide every part of himself and repress every emotion before the brutal media. They'd leave him alone; he'd be just another small town man with little dreams and a closed mind. Above any of that, he wouldn't have met Yuri. Would Yuri be better off without him? He was aware that he'd dragged him into the world of fame, and he hated that his status did that to people, because Yuri had never wanted that and probably never would. He'd already been subjected to predatory photographers and journalists, and now he was getting a bit of a bad wrap in the press because of that damn photograph that had been taken in the split second it took him to get from his car into Victor's house. Was it fair to lump that all on him? He didn't know. For the first time, he couldn't decide how Yuri felt about that. He always seemed to be cheerful enough about it, and even when he got tense he was easily distracted and comforted, but who knew how he really felt? He turned the present over in his hands, and realised Yuri was looking at him expectantly. Seeing him made the answer clear in his mind. Whether Yuri liked it or not, he would be selfish and assume that he did because otherwise he would feel guilty. He wanted only happiness in that moment, and that was all he got from Yuri. Not once had he been angry or irritated by him, in fact he'd never felt anything but endearment and affection, interspersed with lust.   
They were sat on the floor in his living room, as if they were children eagerly awaiting gifts of toys and books. He handed it over, and Yuri looked surprised to see that it was so small. It was a little square box wrapped up in offensively bright silver wrapping paper that had the words Merry Christmas! inscribed all across it. Yuri looked apprehensive as he ran his finger along the sides, trying to find an edge.   
'This isn't as big as I thought it would be,' he fidgeted anxiously, strangely breathless.   
'Just open it,' Victor edged closer, wondering if maybe he should have bought him something bigger. Why was he so fretful over just a little present? What on earth could he think it might be? He watched as Yuri methodically unravelled the paper, making sure not to crease or tear it.   
'My mum always reuses the wrapping paper,' he said as he undid the gift bow on top. 'She said it was a waste to rip it. I remember whenever she got me presents, my favourite part would be guessing what year the wrapping paper was from.'   
He finally unwrapped it fully and saw that it was a beautiful carved wooden box with religious images and nativity scenes engraved on the sides. He gasped with pleasure, tracing the lines and scrutinising it closer.   
'Open it,' Victor urged. Yuri looked up at him and there was that nervous expression again, like he was waiting for a poisonous snake to leap out at him from within it. He was treating it like Pandora's Box. He edged it open painfully slowly, his eyes fixated on it. He sighed with relief upon seeing it was empty, and that was when Victor understood why he'd been so scared.   
'Did you think I was going to propose?' He snorted with laughter, the idea so preposterous he couldn't help himself.   
'I have to admit, you had me scared for a moment there,' Yuri still looked slightly green.   
'Even I wouldn't propose after four months. One day though, there'll be a ring in a box. For now, you get writing.'  
Yuri examined it and upon closer inspection there did appear to be Russian writing on the inner surface of the lid.   
'I can't read that,' he reminded Victor. 'What does it say?'   
'Falling in love is like a mouse falling into a box- there is no way out.'  
Yuri laughed and closed it back up, placing it gently on the ground next to him.   
'Thank you, I love it,' he threw his arms around Victor's neck, kissing his cheek and then his lips with pure, unadulterated happiness. 'I swear, I will get you the best present I can find in Japan.'   
'Don't worry. You've already given me the only thing I want.'  
'If you're about to say me, you're-' Victor silenced him by putting a finger on his lip, making him blush wildly.   
'Don't ruin this for me,' he whispered. 'You have given me a happiness I've never had. Thank you.'   
'You're welcome,' Yuri's words came out all jumbled from having a finger over his lips. Victor let go and replaced the finger with his mouth, but Yuri slithered away and looked very grave, so sombre in fact that Victor felt a pang of anxiety spike in his stomach. 'Victor, I actually wanted to talk to you about something, if that's okay.'  
'Yuri, you're my boyfriend. You have to talk to me about things, you don't need to ask my permission.'  
'Right. Yeah, it's about that...'  
'If you don't want to-'  
'No, I do!' Yuri jumped to make sure he didn't get the wrong end of the stick. 'I want to be your boyfriend, I swear.'  
'Just not now?'  
'No, I do want to now! I just wanted to talk to you about our relationship in regards to who knows. I don't feel comfortable telling everyone yet bec-'  
'That's fine, I don't-'  
'Victor, just listen for a second!' Yuri was sick of Victor being so okay with everything. It made him so insecure because he felt like Victor was just going along with whatever he wanted to make him happy, rather than because it would make them happy together. 'I want you to know this isn't for me, and I'm not trying to be harsh or make you change, this is for you. I don't want to tell the public until you've fired Yolanda.'  
'What?' Victor's eyes widened and he looked confused. 'What does that have to do with us?'  
'I think she's toxic for you. Think about it- she's controlled every aspect of your love life and she can't stand the idea of us being together, so much to the point that she will pull me aside and threaten me. I just think it'd hurt you a lot.'   
'Do you think it's for the best? I mean, she's helped me so much and I feel indebted to her... She was the only agent who would take in an immigrant with no previous experience and no money and she got me to where I am today.'  
'She's done a lot for you, yes, but think about all the things you've missed out on.'  
Victor did. He had been trying to laugh it off for years, but he had been lonely for a very long time. Sure, he had a lot of friends so he wasn't lonely in the platonic aspect of the word but he'd been romantically deprived because she was so protective of his 'image' that she wouldn't allow him to love the people he wanted to love.   
'I guess you're right. I don't really need her anyway- I'm famous enough that I can get a bigger name to manage me,' he sighed. 'For you, Yuri, I will fire her.'  
'No.'  
'No?'  
'It's not for me, Victor. You need to start doing more things for you and less for me.'  
'Then for me, I'll fire her.'  
And with that, they both felt a strange tension that hadn't been there before. They hadn't fought exactly, but the conversation had been strained nonetheless. Yuri just prayed that it would go away, that this would be the worst they'd ever be at. 

'Once we made it official, he was even more of a gentleman. He was around mine most days, and on the days he had to work he would always call to check up on me, just to hear my voice. We decided that we didn't want to tell anyone just yet, or rather I did. The reason for this was pretty complicated, but just know that he really didn't want to hide me away and only did so because I asked him to.'


	15. Chapter Fifteen: Agape

Yuri returned from Japan on the 2nd of January, never having anticipated that he might be enjoying himself so much that they'd stay on until after New Year. His entire extended family had been there and just being home and talking in his native language to everybody was blissful, although he'd missed Victor every second of it. They'd FaceTimed every night, sometimes twice in one day, and the tension from the other day was gone. The plan was that Victor would fire Yolanda when he next had a meeting with her, which was on the 11th of January, and the week succeeding that they would make an official statement. Speculation was rife enough after The Picture, so they didn't want to wait too long, but nor did they want to rush anything. They couldn't be pressured into things by the media. Yuri had, however, told his family that he had a boyfriend and yes, they would all get to meet him at some point. Aika and Clara were ecstatic when they heard the news, although they didn't yet fully comprehend the difference between dating and boyfriends. They always felt a little left out at family reunions because they couldn't speak Japanese bar a few mismatched phrases, but Yuri was mostly on hand to translate for them and a few relatives spoke broken English. Their mother was fluent of course, because she'd been married to their father, an Englishman, for a good few years before the divorce.   
Nevertheless, Yuri was glad to be back in London. His sisters were being picked up by their dad and he was planning to get the train back and spend a few days catching up on sleep before going back to work and shifting mountainous amounts of paperwork. Then, as tended to happen to him, his plans were foiled.   
Yuri was just walking out past the pickup point when he heard a familiar voice call his name. His face lit up and his heart burst through his ribs when he recognised it. Victor was leaning against a railing, wrapped up in a navy coat and thick blue scarf, waving at him and wearing the biggest smile on his face.   
'Victor!' He cried and dashed over to him. Victor picked him up and spun him round, hugging him hard and breathing in his familiar scent.   
'God, I missed you,' he sighed happily. 'Come on, you need to get some sleep.'   
Yuri beamed as Victor put an arm around him and took his bag, snuggling into his side as they walked out to his car. He slid into the front seat, and Victor held his hand as he drove, which made him probably twice as dangerous but Yuri didn't mind; he had missed this too much to let slip. Victor dropped him home, and Yuri invited him in, which he had most likely been expecting anyway. Had he not been invited in, he probably would have found some reason or excuse to do so anyway.   
'You lie down and I'll make you some food,' Victor instructed him, kissing the top of his head and pointing at the couch. 'Noodles?'  
'You know me too well,' Yuri said through a yawn, scrunching his face up and trying to stay awake.   
'Go sleep, baby.'   
He nodded and collapsed on the couch, curling up and sighing deeply in content. He was so glad that Victor had been there to meet him, because now he had somebody to feed him as he was absolutely starving but couldn't be bothered to make anything himself. And he'd called him baby. That was cute.   
He could hear Victor pottering around in the kitchen and the thought of him cooking made him feel all squirmish and gooey. Just thinking of him being all domestic and cute made his heart constrict and dance a waltz against his ribs. A few minutes later, or maybe it was an hour- he'd been asleep and had lost track of all time- Victor was gently shaking him awake, handing him a box of noodles.   
'I gave up,' he whispered, careful to be quiet because he knew Yuri hated to be surrounded by noise when he was tired. 'I ordered in.'   
Yuri giggled at his entirely useless boyfriend and took the box, practically hoovering it down with an insatiable hunger. When he was finished, he lay back down and cradled his aching belly.   
Victor watched as Yuri slowly drifted seamlessly into a deep slumber, his eyelids fluttering closed and his worry-worn face softening into a peaceful one. He couldn't be comfortable sleeping on a couch, and it was going to be cold in the morning. Anyway, the two of them wouldn't fit. There was nothing for it, he would have to be moved. Victor scooped him up in his arms and carried him like a bairn to his bed, lowering him onto it as gently as he could and scooching in next to him, pulling the duvet round them tightly. He was overcome with the same sort of feeling he would get as a child when he saw his siblings asleep and they looked really sweet. He'd forget all about their misdemeanours of the day and they'd revert to innocent children with sleep-flushed cheeks. It was, he realised with a start, something very akin to love. Did he love Yuri? Could he love Yuri? He thought back to how he'd decided to be selfish with him, and he knew that it was wrong to keep somebody by his side through purely selfish motives. The question was whether Yuri would be better or worse off without him. It wasn't that he was seriously thinking about them breaking up, because that was the last thing he wanted, it was just the kind of thing he often ended up thinking about when the world was asleep and he was trapped in a dizzyingly conscious state, staring at the ceiling, alone but for his thoughts. Yuri made a soft snuffling noise and Victor gazed at him with adoration. He knew then exactly what he felt for Yuri, and what to do about it. 

 

'We should talk.'  
Yuri hated that. He hated when people said that- it always made him nervous. He was a nervous person anyway, but any variation of we need to talk exacerbated that to new levels. He had woken up an hour ago in Victor's arms, but he had been strangely silent since then. He had looked uncharacteristically broody all morning, and all that had led up to this. We should talk. About what? What had happened in the few hours he'd been sleeping that had brought his on? Before he had fallen asleep, Victor had been making him food (or attempting to) and calling him baby and carrying him to his own bed while he slept.   
'Sure,' he forced himself to say, but it came out strained and even to his ears sounded false. 'I'll just-'  
'It's important.'   
'Oh, okay. Do you want to, uhh, sit down?'  
'Yeah.'  
Yuri could feel his heart beating out of control. He didn't want this. He wanted to freeze time and pin Victor's lips shut so he could never speak again. He was terrified of what he might say. He sat down opposite him, too scared to even sit near him in case the worst happened because he didn't want to be anywhere close to him if so.   
'Yuri, are you sure you want this?'  
His throat closed up and his stomach contracted painfully. He could feel tears beginning to prick in his eyes.   
'This?' He tried to speak, but it barely came out at a whisper.   
'Us. Are you certain this is what you want?'  
Yuri knew that in that moment what he ought to do was convince Victor that yes, oh god yes, did he want this, so badly- so badly that sometimes it made his head spin to think about it; so badly that he could barely breathe now that he thought about losing it. He knew what he needed to do but, when it came down to it, he was a nervous person. He assumed the worst and usually received the worst as a result. He brought everything upon himself because he was too weak to fight against it.   
Victor took his silence for an answer.   
'We should end this.'   
Yuri replied with only a sharp intake of breath, then a broken sob as his shoulders started to shake. Victor immediately darted to comfort him, rubbing his back and kissing his head, but Yuri shoved him away roughly.   
'No!' He snapped, his voice trembling along with the rest of him. 'You can't break up with me and then try to comfort me, that's not how this works!'  
'But I-'  
'Just go, Victor!'  
'Let me explain, I just thought you were too afraid of the p-'  
'Too afraid? Yes, I'm always too afraid! That's the problem, don't you see? I'm never going to be enough for you because you want to be famous and have everybody love you and watch you, whereas I just want to cower away and cry whenever the paparazzi comes near me because I'm paralysed with fear!'  
'Yuri, I-'  
'Please, just go! I can't stand to see you.'  
'No, pl-'  
'Just go, Victor.'   
Victor stared at him for a long time, and for a second Yuri thought he might reach out and hug him and maybe then he could forgive him for a momentary lapse in vision and beg him to come back, but instead he just walked away.   
Yuri was left sitting alone on his sofa in floods of tears, a meeting in half an hour and significantly alone. He hadn't realised how much this might affect him- actually, he'd never thought about them breaking up until now. It wasn't that he had thought about them being together until they died, it was just that he hadn't thought about them not being together until they died. He hadn't actively engaged in either thought process. He'd just assumed that Victor would be there. How was it fair by any measure that he was the one getting dumped? Victor was the one who had forced all of this on him! He was the relentless force driving them down the perilous road, he was the one who had made him go for a coffee and then goaded him into a date. He couldn't hate him for any of this though, and that was the worst part. He wanted so badly to despise him for leaving so suddenly like that, but all he could think was that he had done something wrong because he had been the one who'd been left. He didn't know what to do with himself now. He'd never been invested in somebody like this before, so he'd never been this depressed by a breakup. And it had been just minutes! He took a deep, shuddering breath and tried to calm the barrage of tears cascading down his face. He grabbed his phone from the coffee table and texted his sister, knowing that she would know what to do because she knew literally everything about his love life. While they'd been away in Japan together, she'd made him tell her all the gory details and all the ins and outs of his relationship. He still couldn't figure out whether it was because it was Victor Nikiforov or not. A fresh wave of pain lanced through him thinking about that, because he didn't have a love life anymore and Victor Nikiforov was his ex-boyfriend. Nobody would even know. Victor would probably pop up again within a week with a new famous girlfriend and be just as happy as ever. He was Mr Perfect, who never had any negative emotion and always got to be happy, no matter who he had to stand on to reach that. No, that was unfair. Victor had talked about how insecure he felt in relationships, and he'd explained how he blamed himself for the death of his brother, so it was a lie to say he didn't have a sadder side to him. He just hid it well because of the way he lived and his job. It hurt him to admit, but it was the truth. He didn't want to justify it though, because he was still angry and he was still crying. Even if he had occasionally let him in, he'd still dropped him at a moment's notice. Yuri had said that he would be brave and make their relationship known to the public, even if it worried him, and didn't that constitute as taking far more courage than it would for someone who wasn't scared? These thoughts were whirring round in his mind, making his brain ache and his vision swim to the point where he had to lie down, pulling a cushion over his face to muffle the sounds of himself mourning. He didn't know how long he lay there stricken with grief and wallowing in self pity before a loud knock on the door brought him half to his senses. He opened it up and Clara was stood there looking a little unimpressed. He'd only told her 'really need you, please come to mine', so she probably didn't have a clue what was happening and thought he was being annoying and asking her to get him a coffee or something stupid like that. When she saw his tearstained face however, her expression changed instantly to one of grave concern and her usual unconditional, fierce protectiveness. She didn't ask him anything before she'd made him a huge mug of coffee, and just the way he liked it too. She sat him back down on the sofa, but he objected as that area had now been ruined for him. They sat on the floor instead, and she rubbed his back soothingly, intermittently helping him sip his coffee, until he had calmed down enough to explain.   
'Vic- he dumped me,' A fresh set of tears rained down and he couldn't keep his voice steady as he told her this.   
'Aww, babe,' she shuffled next to him and put her arm round his shoulders, stroking his arm reassuringly. 'What happened?'  
'I don't fu- sorry. I don't know. One second he was picking me up from the airport,' Yuri spoke through gulps and broken sobs. 'And putting me to bed, and then he said we need to talk and he broke up with me.'  
'Did he say why?'  
'I'm not brave enough for him.'  
'What, because you don't like people swarming you and demanding to know who you are, what and who you're doing and taking your photograph whether you like it or not? Most people hate that.'   
He hadn't looked at it like that before. It wasn't a weakness to not want that, it was normal human behaviour.   
'And I said I didn't mind any of it, but he still made that judgement for me and left me and-' he dissolved into wails again, and Clara patiently waited for them to subside before she spoke again.   
'You don't need that in your life, Yuri. You are worth one thousand Victors. You don't need him.'  
'Yes I do!' Yuri lamented, clenching his fists so hard they hurt. 'I need him so much. I can't function without him. He was the best thing that ever happened to me and I let that go.'   
'One day at a time, sweetheart. One day at a time. Soon you won't even remember his name.'  
He snivelled miserably and wrung his hands together in distress until she took them in her own and squeezed them. It just reminded him of whenever Victor did that and then he realised that would never happen again because he was alone and Victor didn't want him or like him or need him anywhere near as much as Yuri did him.


	16. Chapter Sixteen: All's Well

Yuri had been told to take the next day off work. He'd been a mess when he'd shown up to the office and he had barely been able to use the photocopier because his hands were shaking so much. Lara had accosted him and forced him to spill the beans, and from that point onwards it had deteriorated rapidly. Now that he was home, it made no difference. All he did was watch the hours tick away and think about times gone by that he'd spent with Victor. He thought about snowball fights on the street; he thought about falling out of apple trees; he thought about Victor's reckless, impulsive driving and how he'd face almost certain death just to be back in that car one last time. All he wanted was Victor back. He'd give everything he had for that. 

 

'Victor if you forget your lines one more time we'll cut the scene,' the director called out. He looked back at her, unable to smile breezily and crack a tension-breaking joke like he normally would if he was having trouble with his lines.   
'Sorry,' he mumbled. 'I'll get it this time.'  
He barely pulled it off, and he knew exactly why. He was completely unable to function without Yuri. He was pining for him terribly, and he was going to be making a similar shambles out of every scene he had to film. Was it going to be like this from now on? Would it always feel like he was breathing in shards of glass? He always heard that breakups get easier after a while and eventually they don't affect you at all, but he found that hard to believe. This was too agonising to be relenting. He couldn't even talk to anybody about it because they hadn't told anybody yet and this just made it worse because he had so much anguish that he couldn't rid himself of. It had been less than 8 hours and already he was slipping into madness. He couldn't shake the feeling that he'd just made the biggest mistake of his life. 

 

Yuri didn't want to answer the door when it went. It was probably the neighbour asking if he was alright, considering he'd been crying for pretty much the entire duration of his time at home since Victor had broken up with him. He had to though, or maybe somebody would assumed he'd morphed into the floorboards and needed an ambulance. He reluctantly heaved himself up from the couch where he'd been reliving bad memories so he could open the door. Behind it stood the one face he wanted to see both the most and the least, at the same time.   
'Victor,' he was surprised by how well he could keep his voice in check, disguising the panic rising in his throat.   
Please come back.   
'Hi, Yuri,' Victor's voice was neutral, not giving anything away, but he wasn't smiling and his eyes were losing their twinkle, swamped instead by dark bags. Was it possible that he was just as affected by this? 'I know I'm the last person you want to see, but we parted on bad terms and I can't stand it.'  
'Just tell me what you want to tell me here and then leave.'    
Please don't.   
'It's important.'  
'Yeah, it was yesterday too.'  
'You have every right to hate me, but please just let me talk to you.'   
Yuri grumbled some choice words under his breath and allowed him in, and they sat opposite each other on the sofas again. Yuri found his eyes sliding down to Victor's hands, and he wanted to hold them so badly. It was weird how they could go from constantly touching and basking in each other's company to being this uncomfortable and uncommunicative in just a matter of hours.   
'I've missed you,' Victor began. 'God, I've missed you.'   
'Victor...'  
'I know. I'm sorry. I can't help it. Yuri, I never wanted to actually break up. I thought you'd be okay with the press but then after some deliberation I made that decision for you and I'm sorry. I can't bear to see you hurting like this, so please let me make it up to you.'  
'Victor, we broke up. You can't do that to me now.'  
'Yes, but I don't want to break up!'  
'Neither do I, but we did.'  
'Please, I beg of you to give me a chance! I was trying to be selfless and think of people like you do, but I did it wrong and I paid the price.'  
'I don't know if I can.'   
Victor dropped to his knees in front of him and clasped Yuri's hands, staring searchingly up at his pink, increasingly flustered face.   
'Please,' he whimpered, and Yuri looked down at him in surprise. Victor had tears in his eyes. Never before had he looked so lost and helpless, and truth be told it scared Yuri a little. Had he caused this? This was Victor, the man who didn't cry when he talked about the death of his brother and could switch instantly to a cheerful smile afterwards, the man who had not once frowned or been even remotely angry in the six months or so that they'd know each other. This was also the man who had cherished him right from the very beginning and been more than he could ever have expected of anybody. Sitting there and not being allowed to call him his boyfriend or at the very least touch him any further than holding hands was an agony like no other he'd experienced.   
'I'm sorry, I'll go,' Victor sighed resignedly, his eyes having completely lost their twinkle.   
'No, Victor, don't.'  
'I'm sorry, Yuri, but if you don't want me back I'm not going to stick around and pretend to be your friend because we both know it'll hurt us too much.'   
Yuri watched as he began to walk away, and he thought about the mistake he'd made in letting that happen before. It had cost him the one thing in the world he treasured most and here he was, faced with a chance to put it all right again, and all he could do was stare at him uselessly. He was a nervous person, always had been and always would be. But why should that mean he would lose Victor because of it? Why should he have to suffer and face that pain because he believed he was too weak to have happiness, and he'd given up trying to change?   
'Victor, come back,' he said, firmer and with more resolution this time. Victor didn't even turn around, but Yuri wasn't going to let that stop him. He stood up and walked over to grab his arm, turning him round. He saw then why Victor hadn't turned around when he'd called him; there were tears lining his crumple face and his expression was one of dejection so acute Yuri momentarily hated himself for causing such torment. Now, though, he was going to resolve it. He brushed the tears away and reached up on his tiptoes to kiss his tearstained cheeks, his lips lingering there for a few seconds.   
'I missed you too,' he whispered, and just like that Victor was kissing him, clinging to him like this was the last minute they had together on the face of the earth. Yuri's hands clasped at him, running over his body hungrily. All the while, tears continued to run down Victor's face.   
'What's wrong?' Yuri asked, worry lining his forehead.   
'Nothing.'  
'Really, what is it?'  
'I'm just happy,' Victor smiled, reeling him back in to kiss a trail down his neck, stopping at the base of his throat. Yuri made a soft noise and that was when Victor lost the last of his control. He pinned him against the wall, his hands and lips everywhere, roaming Yuri's body and remembering each little detail.   
'Have I ever told you,' he breathed in between kisses. 'That you're extraordinary?'  
'I think it may have come up once or twice,' Yuri's voice came out high pitched and breathy and dear god, had Victor missed the sound of that.   
'Well, you are. And Yuri, I think I may have fallen in love with you.'   
'Oh,' Yuri froze, his voice falling flat.   
'It's okay. You don't have to say anything yet. I just wanted to tell you that. It's a beautiful and painful thing to be in love.'   
Yuri's heart was rocketing around his ribcage. All the could think about were the words inscribed on that box: falling in love is like a mouse falling into a box- there's no way out. He didn't like the idea of being trapped, but why would he want a way out? It wasn't as if being in love with Victor would end badly. He had just professed his love very plainly. Yuri knew how he himself felt, and a part of him had felt like that for quite some time, but he was too shy to speak up just yet. Victor understood that, and he'd allowed for that, giving him time to mull it over. He was distracted quickly by Victor's hands venturing to his thighs, a particular weakness of his, and he melted, clenching his fists in Victor's hair and taking deep, shuddering breaths.   
'Never leave me again,' he choked out, the idea of how close he'd been to losing this throttling him.   
'I won't,' Victor murmured against the skin of his stomach, where his mouth had taken up residence.   
'Do you promise?'  
'Pinky promise.'   
Yuri came close to following Victor's example and crying with happiness right there and then, but instead he closed his eyes and concentrated on the feelings he was getting, both physical and emotional, embracing them. There was sadness still lingering in his heart, overwhelming, dizzy happiness, and intense pleasure all at once, making his mind rotate and spin until all he could feel was Victor's hands, Victor's lips, Victor's tongue, all touching him and caressing him and driving him insane. Maybe he was just a mouse in a box, but the walls of said box were shielding him from any semblance of pain because all he could feel now was pure, unadulterated love.


	17. Chapter Seventeen: конец

Victor had gone home early the next morning, and Yuri had headed straight to work. He sat idly in his chair all morning, mindlessly going through paperwork and pondering over how best to approach the subject of love with Victor.   
'I love you,' he muttered quietly to himself. That was a good start, but he couldn't just say that. He needn't have felt any pressure because however he said it, he knew it would make Victor happy, and yet he still found himself wanting to say it in the best way possible in order to achieve maximum happiness.   
When he got home, he was still thinking about it. He picked up his phone and called Victor, deciding that it would be easiest to just do it in the spur of the moment.   
'Come over,' he said before Victor could even greet him.   
'Now?' He sounded tired, but that didn't matter. This was important.   
'Yes. I have something I need to tell you.'  
'The roads are kind of icy, I'll have to put chains on my tyres or something.'  
'You could just drive carefully...'  
'You've got me there. Okay, I'll see you in an hour.'  
They hung up and Yuri was still trying to prepare himself for what he was about to say when about an hour later he got an incoming call from a number he didn't recognise.   
'Hello, this is Kingston Hospital, London. Am I speaking with Mr. Katsuki?'  
He frowned, wondering why on earth a hospital would be calling him so late at night.  He'd never even been to Kingston hospital, and although they almost definitely had the wrong person- they hadn't specified a first name and maybe they were working through a phone directory-  he felt a pointless anxiety spike in his chest.   
'Yes,' he realised he hadn't confirmed that he was supposedly the person they wanted yet. 'Can I help?'  
'We have you listed as an emergency contact for Vincent Newman. I'm afraid-'  
'I'm sorry, I don't know a Vincent Newman.'  
'The person he was with is insistent that you come.'   
'Who is he with?'  
'A young girl.'  
'Yeah, what's her name?'  
'Clara, although she didn't give her second name. She's lost her phone and can't call you, she says.'   
His sister? What was she doing at a hospital? Clearly she was okay if the person on the phone hadn't said anything and was talking about her calling him. Anyway, this was about Vincent, whoever 'Vincent' was.   
'And what's happened to this Vincent?'  
'I'm afraid there's been a road accident and he's in a very critical condition. I think you should come in.'  
'Of course,' he hadn't the foggiest who Vincent Newman was, but if his sister was involved he had no choice but to go. 'I'll be there as soon as I can.'  
'Please head to the intensive care unit upon your arrival. You'll find directions-'  
'I know where to go. Thanks,' he hung up quickly, wanting nothing more than to figure this mystery out. What relation did his sister have to Vincent? Perhaps this was the older boyfriend he was sure she might have. No, if he was driving he had to be at least eighteen, and that was way too old for a fifteen year old girl.   
He drove almost as fast as Victor, having learnt a few tricks by now to get to his destination with more haste, although it was still terrifying to him. He made it to the hospital in what had to be record time despite terrible traffic- apparently there'd been an accident nearby and the road had only just opened up again. Maybe it was the same accident Vincent had been involved in.   
He found Clara sat on a chair in a brightly-lit corridor of the ICU, sobbing her eyes out, and he immediately knelt in front of her, taking her hands in his.   
'I'm sorry, I was lost, and he said he'd take me home!' She wailed, unable to meet his eyes.   
'Who's Vin-' he was interrupted by a doctor bustling past tapping him on the shoulder.   
'Mr. Katsuki?' She asked, and he stood up and nodded. 'He's right this way, if you'll just follow me.'  
'Can I just have a moment?' He turned back to his sister, brushing the doctor off. 'Clara, who is Vincent?'   
'Mr. Katsuki-'  
'Clara?'  
'He's gone into cardi-'  
'Clara, tell me!' Ignoring the doctor frantically tugging at his arm, he grabbed his sister, who was crying huge, ugly tears.   
'It's my fault!' She wailed, pulling at her hair. 'All my fault!'  
'Mr. Katsuki, he wants to see y-'  
'I said give me a moment!' Yuri snapped, losing his patience at last. He had no reason to go see Vincent, because he didn't know who they were. His sister was upset, and that was his priority right then.   
'I really think-'   
'Clara, calm down-'  
'He's not got long-'   
'Is he your boyfriend or something?'  
A radio was cracking on the doctor's shoulder, voices calling out to each other frantically and the sound of mechanical beeps.   
'We're losing him fast-'  
'Defibrillator stat-'  
Yuri could hear that there was chaos surrounding Vincent, and he wanted no part of that. If this person died, it was disrespectful to be there and not care a whole lot. Of course it was heartbreaking to watch somebody die, but only because it would make him think about the fragility of life, not for any personal attachment, and that felt distinctly wrong to him.   
'Mr. Katsuki I urge you to-'  
'I don't want to,' he shook his head. 'I need to talk to my sister.'   
'He has just minutes-' thirty seconds until brain death, the radio corrected.   
'I don't know who Vinc-'  
'Just go, Yuri!' Clara finally spoke, and she shoved him hard in the direction of the door the doctor had been gesturing at.   
'I don't understand-'  
'Time of death 10:56pm.' The radio was strangely quiet after that.   
'It's Victor.'

Clara watched as her brother froze, his face turning ashen and his entire world crumbling in an instant. Suddenly he turned and ran for the room where Victor was, where she knew he was white as the sheets he was lying on and hooked up to now silent machinery. She could hear Yuri crying hysterically, and as she walked in behind him he was yelling at the doctors to do something, anything that would bring him back.   
'I'm sorry, there's nothing more we can do,' a doctor tried to calm him.   
'Then what's the fucking point of you?' Yuri shouted, clinging desperately to Victor's hand. 'I never got to... I just- I wanted to tell him that I... He promised not leave me again, and I...'  
'Shh, it's okay,' Clara knelt down beside him, stroking his hair tenderly and sniffling quietly as he gasped for breath, unable to cope with anything that was happening around him.   
'Vitya,' he whimpered, resting his head against Victor's arm. 'I love you. I'm sorry. I love you.'


	18. Chapter Eighteen

VICTOR NIKIFOROV DIES AT 26

It has been confirmed that on the 4th of January, Victor Nikiforov, a well known actor whose glittering career includes roles such as Delta (Vengeance) and King George in a recent London production of the hit musical Hamilton, was tragically killed in a fatal crash in Richmond. He suffered from several broken ribs, a fractured skull and severe internal bleeding, the paramedics on scene informed us, and later died of his injuries in Kingston Hospital. The 26-year-old was reportedly driving with a young girl, who was later revealed to be the sister of a friend who he had offered to drive home. The Metropolitan Police Service said the car he was travelling in hit a patch of ice at a stop light and his brakes failed, resulting in the car spinning into oncoming traffic. The other passenger suffered just a few bruises, the airbag having prevented serious injury and her positioning away from the point of impact possibly saving her life. The driver of the other car, a Ford Mondeo, suffered minor injuries and was treated on scene.   
This comes just weeks after controversial rumours regarding his sexual orientation flew round the public. The prime suspect of these rumours, Yuri Katsuki, was (according to multiple sources) present at his death and he recently announced that he will be delivering a speech at Victor's wake that will 'clear everything up'. Victor's fans anxiously anticipate this, and the speech will be made on the 14th of January. Their relationship has been the subject of much debate after a picture of the two in a slightly compromising position surfaced and was spread across the internet. They have been to many events together, and many close to Victor claim that they would often sneak away early together. Whether true or not, the rumours shall be confirmed or refuted soon.


	19. Chapter Nineteen

Yuri wrung his hands together and stepped up to the pulpit, all eyes on him. Everybody here was waiting for him to speak. He had so much to say, so much to tell them, and all of it would be recorded and broadcast for all to see. Could he do that? Yes, he could. For Victor. Because everybody deserved to know about them, and he didn't want to be forgotten. He wanted people out there who felt they had to repress their sexuality to fit in with a certain crowd to take this story and learn from it, learn to be brave and find the love of their lives and stop worrying so much about those who would never agree with that. He did this for them, too.   
'Umm, hi. I'm Yuri katsuki, if you didn't know, and you probably did because I know why most of you are here. Today is the day you all find out that Victor Nikiforov was gay. Because he was, by the way. He was, as many people speculated, my boyfriend. The first port of call, I suppose, is how we met. He cornered me in a bookshop and made me go for a coffee with him, and I was sorely persuaded. I managed to make a complete fool of myself by almost spilling my coffee all over him and I wasn't completely convinced he wasn't a stalker. I didn't know who he was when I first met him, although I did know the tv series he had been in and the show he was working on at the time. We went on the most stupidly romantic dates, because he was grossly romantic and liked to buy me bottles of wine as an excuse to come back to mine. The second date we ever went on, he told me he was going to make me fall in love with him. I'm convinced this was caused by too much vodka.You might have all noticed Victor being Russian, and I certainly couldn't have missed it because he always used to speak to me in Russian, and I guess I'm relieved he's stopped now. This was just one of the ways he used to hide his true character, through language- trust me, I do it too. It took a long time to look past the charm and money and the facade, and I think I might be the only person to this day he's ever allowed to. His eyes were what gave him away first, because he can't change the twinkle in it and you learn to understand what different twinkles mean.   
For example, I can tell you that when he smiles and his eyes don't twinkle, he's sad. When he smiles and they do, he's amused. When he doesn't smile but his eyes twinkle, he's happy.   
I didn't really want to believe it at first, but he got under my skin pretty quickly. I started to think about seriously making it official relatively early on. Early on for me, anyway.   
You know, thanks to Victor I ended up really spoilt. He bought me so many things and once he even flew me to Tokyo! It was meant to be a romantic affair, sure, but it was so expensive. No wonder I had to be the one making the speech today.   
This is one of the moments that will define Victor's image for the rest of his life, and I'm glad I can be a part of that, and I hope he isn't too angry that I get to steal some of his spotlight now. His agent Yolanda, who I'm sure you all know, disliked the fact that we were together because I am, if you hadn't noticed, a man. It may come as a surprise to some of you that she is like that, but she is. She refused to come tonight as she doesn't agree with this, so I figure it's okay to out her as a bitch. I'm so glad to see Victor's family here tonight instead, because he always told me about them with warmth, and I'm glad they can come to see this. It's important. Especially as his late brother, Dima, died so I could be here making this speech today.   
I'm actually quite amazed to see how many people have turned up today, because when the news got out there was so much shock and I know that many people think today is too soon to be doing this, but I couldn't wait any longer. The church we held the service in today is one we actually visited together when we went on a spontaneous outing, and he loved it so much that we couldn't do this in any other place. We made some vows back then, and so we make vows here today. Vows to help each other, vows to love each other, vows to console each other and above all to share love with each other.  
Once we made it official, he was even more of a gentleman. He was around mine most days, and on the days he had to work he would always call to check up on me, just to hear my voice. We decided that we didn't want to tell anyone just yet, or rather I did. The reason for this was pretty complicated, but just know that he really didn't want to hide me away and only did so because I asked him to.   
Victor Nikiforov was an incredible man. He was my everything, and for a long time I thought he always would be. I once was told true love doesn't have a happy ending because it never ends and I have been holding onto that saying ever since he- since he died.  
I know that each and every one of us will miss him and I wish my most heartfelt apologies to those who knew him and those who knew of him. I am so grateful to have had him in my life, even if it was only for a short while, because he made it so much better and more vibrant.   
Rest in peace, Victor, you extraordinary mouse trapper.' He stepped away, overcome by emotion and grief and unable to continue any further. Clara and Aika were there to console him, and countless people told him they were sorry for his loss and all such stupid things. Really, they were all reeling from the announcement that Victor Nikiforov was gay and had a boyfriend. He could see it in their faces. Why would he choose somebody so plain? They would never know just how much Victor had loved him, or the reasons why, and that made Yuri's heart just that little bit lighter. He was the only person to have experienced the full extent of Victor's love, and it was thanks to that that he was able to make a speech in front of a full congregation and copious journalists and reporters. Victor would have been so proud.


	20. Epilogue

Dear Victor,  
It's been a week since you died. Seven days without hearing your voice, without your smile, without your hand slotted perfectly into mine... Every second of it has felt like an hour, each day a month. I constantly find myself opening my mouth to tell you something, then finding just an empty space beside me. Not just an empty space; it's a void, devoid of you. I like to think you've found happiness somewhere, because it's just like you to do that. Even if there's just a vast expanse of nothingness in death, you would find some way to be happy.   
I miss our dates. I miss the time ticking away as we spent it together, always laughing and smiling, and it was never wasted with you. Every moment was glorious and golden and I wouldn't trade it for an eternity with anybody else. I only wish I hadn't taken your company for granted so often. I saw how much you loved me and I relied on it, used it, even. You never complained though, not once, just provided love and comfort as required.   
Everybody keeps telling me you were 'gone too soon' and it's especially tragic to them that we never got the chance to get married or have a family and all the other things I know we both wanted to do but were too shy to seriously talk about. I have come to terms with this, which is perhaps most surprising of all. As they say, it is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. Our love was fast and sweet and intrinsically good. Not many can say the same. I didn't need anymore time because the time you did give me was time enough, and it will ever be precious to me. In that short time, I learnt more about myself than anybody else could have taught me in a lifetime. I learnt to love, also, and to be loved. I allowed myself to be cherished, and I let myself be selfish with you in the name of love. It's a beautiful and painful thing to be in love, you once told me. I agree.   
I'm too young to become a spinster, Victor, don't deny that. I don't doubt that I'll some day fall in love again, but it won't be moving on. You'll always be my first and only true love. Anybody else will be a completely different affair, though I'll love them too.   
The thing I struggle with most regarding your death is that I never got the chance to tell you one very important thing. Victor, if you're reading this, and maybe you're an angel reading over my shoulder as I write it, there's something I want you to know. I loved you deeply, more than I ever thought was possible and it ran through every vein and drop of blood in my body- I still do. I'll love you until I take my final breath, and then I'll be happy like you always were because I'll see you once more.   
Sleep tight, my love.   
Undeniably and irrevocably yours,   
Yuri.

**Author's Note:**

> Though this was an AU and in no way followed the YOI storyline, the one part of their relationship I wanted to employ as the essence of the narrative was the sweetness of it, because I think in that sense they really stand out as a couple. They always thought in the other's interests and I think this was an imperative part of their nature that I had to do justice to.


End file.
